


Prisoner

by Cogito3



Series: Avatar Azula Saga [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Azula is the Avatar, Drama, Family Issues, Gen, Taking the idea of the Air Nomads being Buddhist monks and running with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-03-12 03:24:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 27,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13538664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cogito3/pseuds/Cogito3
Summary: The essence of airbending is freedom. Prisoners cannot wield it. (AU)Originally posted on FF.net on January 6, 2018:https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12789968/1/Prisoner





	1. Part 1

Aang urged Appa onward, tired yet refusing to sleep. He had no idea where he was going, or even really what he was doing, but he definitely knew _why_ : the monks were going to take Gyatso away so he could be “the Avatar,” so he wanted nothing to do with any of it.

_Aang pointed at a line in the scroll. “Gyatso, what does ‘air is the element of freedom’ mean?”_

“ _We’ve been debating that for centuries, Aang.”_

“ _Okayyy...but what does it_ mean _?”_

_Gyatso smiled. “If you want to know what I think, then...” He spread his arms. “We are called Air Nomads, but we spent most of our lives in these monasteries. Did that never seem strange to you?”_

“ _I guess, I dunno. Never really thought about it.” Aang rubbed his chin._

“ _Not to mention, we claim that to achieve enlightenment one must give themselves up to the world. So why do we separate ourselves from it?”_

_Aang shrugged._

“ _You know,” Gyatso continued, “in other parts of the world, people who spend decades holed up in a single building are called prisoners.”_

“ _So...we’re prisoners?”_

“ _Yes.” Aang’s eyes widened—he couldn’t remember a time when Gyatso had been so serious. Gyatso walked to the window and leaned out of it. “We are all prisoners of our natures, our experiences, our roles...our individuality. That is what we Air Nomads seek to separate ourselves from. By giving ourselves up to the world, we lose our individuality and become free.” He turned around. “Do you see?”_

“ _Honestly?” Aang grinned. “Not at all.”_

_Gyatso chuckled, walked over, and rubbed Aang’s head. “That’s all—”_

A loud _crack_ pealed through the air, jolting Aang out of his memories. With a start, he realized that he had flown Appa straight into a thunderstorm. He pulled on Appa's reins wildly, thinking only of escape.

Until the next lightning bolt struck him.

* * *

  **Part One**  

* * *

Azula prided herself on many things. Her power, naturally—she was only ten, but was already close to being a master firebender. Then there was her intelligence, combining both an amazing memory and great strategic prowess. Not to mention her beauty, her physical strength, and of course her status as the Firelord's daughter. Safe to say there was no shortage of very good reasons for Azula to have a _very_ good opinion of herself.

That said, even the lowliest commoner could appreciate those qualities. They were obvious, so to speak. What Azula _really_ prided herself on, the thing that truly set her apart from the rest of humanity, was her wisdom.

Fools would be content with Azula's lot in life, but Azula herself realized that it could all be taken away in an instant. She had experimented when she was younger, and knew just how fragile a thing life was. And she also knew that, with very limited exceptions, the only person you could unreservedly trust was yourself.

So Azula’s life philosophy was that the only way to protect yourself was to _control_ everything and every _one_.

It was pretty fun, too.

She was going to _love_ being Firelord.

* * *

Yet again, Firelord Ozai was thinking about the Avatar.

Around 95 years ago his grandfather, the great Firelord Sozin, had attacked the Air Nomads with the benefit of his comet in order to capture the Avatar. They seized the ones who were around the right age and killed the rest, then tortured the captives to find out which one was the Avatar. Unfortunately they gave conflicting answers: most claimed they didn’t know, others said he died during the attack. A few even dared to pretend the Avatar had disappeared shortly beforehand, a ridiculous notion; coincidences like that only happened in _kabuki_ plays. Be that as it may, none of them showed any signs of being the Avatar, so they were all killed too and the situation was mostly chalked up to Spirit World weirdness. Sozin alone had wisely kept up the hunt, with most believing he was mad, though none dared say so to his face.

16 years later, a Southern Water Tribe savage—16 years old, of course—claimed to be the new Avatar, with the bending to prove it. The girl, Hatsuna, united the Southern Water Tribes behind her, and together the barbarians managed to repel the Fire Nation's attacks. Given time she could have allied the Water Tribes with the Earth Kingdom, which may have permanently ended the Fire Nation's glorious mission to civilize the world.

So Firelord Sozin concocted a daring plan to strike at Avatar Hatsuna directly with a small, elite assassination team, led by himself personally. Their advantage was the fact that while Hatsuna’s guerrilla tactics were quite effective against armies, she was much less prepared to face a single skilled squad. None of the assassins, Sozin included, survived, but they accomplished their mission. The Avatar was dead and any hope of a worldwide anti-Fire alliance died with her.

The new Firelord, Ozai's father Azulon, blanketed the Earth Kingdom with agents to find and capture the newborn Avatar before it could deal more damage. Unfortunately the new Avatar, Shen, was born in Ba Sing Se, and learned well from Hatsuna’s untimely demise. He spent almost all his time holed up in the Earth King's palace, and mostly served as a symbol to boost the morale of the Earth King’s army; he never even learned firebending (not that he could’ve found a master easily, of course).He eventually died at age 65, apparently of natural causes.

That was ten years ago.

The next Avatar—the _current_ Avatar—was Fire. Many of Ozai's advisers were encouraging him to take advantage of that, to use the new Fire Avatar to finish the war once and for all.

Ozai’s advisers were not stupid, necessarily, but they were ignorant. They were not aware of the truths Sozin had discovered. The new Avatar was _not_ Fire; indeed, the Avatar was not truly of the Material World at all. The Avatar Spirit’s purpose was to keep the Material World weak and ensure it remained under the thumb of the Spirit World. That was why civilization had stagnated until Sozin began his glorious crusade. It was foolish to trust a Fire Avatar to act in the best interests of the Fire Nation, a fact Sozin himself learned through painful personal experience.

Besides, while it was illegal to say so openly, the Fire Nation was not doing well in the war. Hatsuna was only active for four years, but in that time she had fashioned the Southern Tribes into guerrilla armies, and they continued to bedevil the Fire Nation even now. The Earth Kingdom’s army _still_ rallied around Shen’s name, enough so that Ba Sing Se easily repelled the assault launched after the Avatar’s death—though to be fair, that resulted in some positive consequences for Ozai himself.

In any event, the losses were starting to pile themselves up. Victory not only gave the Fire Nation honor and proof of their mission’s righteousness, it also gave them resources and spoils of war. Defeat gave them shame, doubt, and poverty. The anti-war faction in the Fire Nation was small, but it was growing with each passing year, despite Ozai's best efforts to crush it. Even if the Avatar held some special regard for its birth country, it could just ally itself with the anti-war traitors and rationalize everything away.

No, it was impossible to control the Avatar. In order for the Fire Nation to fulfill its destiny, in order for Ozai to fulfill _his_ destiny, the Avatar must be eliminated.

By whatever means necessary.

* * *

Azula hummed a song as she skipped through the palace. Her firebending was going well. So well, in fact, that over dinner Father had told her she might be able to take her master test soon, perhaps even as early as her eleventh birthday. That would make her the youngest master in the history of the royal family.

“ _At this rate, you’ll even surpass me one day_ , _”_ Father had said. _“You may very well become the savior of the Fire Nation.”_ Azula couldn’t suppress a wide grin as she flew through the palace, hopping over chairs, sliding around corners, and rolling under servants’ legs. When she passed by the garden, though, she ground to a halt.

If possible, her grin got even wider. Slowly, silently, she stalked into the garden and approached the figure sitting by the pond. He didn’t make a move as she crept up to his side and tapped him on the shoulder.

“Graah!” Zuko shouted, and jerked so much he almost fell over. Azula giggled.

"Wanna play a game, Zuzu?"

Her wimpy older brother didn’t even look her in the eyes. “No.”

"Ooooh, are you sulking again, my dear brother?" Azula cooed, leaning over to ruffle his hair.

Zuko batted her hand away. "None of your business."

Azula put on her most innocent expression. She was proud of it; it had taken a while to get just right. "Come on, don’t be like that. We're family, right?" Zuko didn’t respond. Azula lay down on her back, looked up at him, and said, "Are you _still_ upset about mommy?"

Her brother's face had been in permanent scowl ever since their mother…went away _._ Whenever Azula brought her up, though, the scowl deepened into a hate-filled glare. It was pretty amusing. "Go away, Azula,” he said.

"Can’t a sister worry about her—?"

“I said go away!” Zuko stood up, fists clenched, small embers flickering around his body.

Azula continued laying on the ground, arms and legs spread, completely defenseless. She looked up at Zuko with a serene expression. “Don’t wanna.”

They stared at each other for a few seconds. Then Zuko put his head down in defeat and turned away.

Azula smiled. "Tell me, Zuzu. How does it feel to be such a coward?" she asked his retreating figure.

Normally Zuko became completely sulky and introverted after she beat him, so after the question she sat up, thinking about what she wanted to do for the rest of the night.

"Better than being you," she heard behind her.

She whipped her head around, but Zuko had already left the garden. Azula’s vision narrowed, and she could feel waves of heat rolling off her body. Just who did he think he was? Was he out of his mind, saying something like that?

Unfortunately he was already gone, and while Azula really wanted to torch him Father wouldn’t be happy if she burned down part of the palace again. So she did breathing exercises to calm down, then stalked off to the training ground. Firebending practice it was.

The person chosen to be her training partner that night was _very_ unlucky.

* * *

Iroh had traveled to the Spirit World to try to meet his son again, if only to say goodbye. He failed in this, but his journeys in the Spirit World had taught him much else besides. He hadn’t quite become an entirely different person, but he _had_ changed.

Of course, the Material World had changed during his time away, too. Despite steeling himself to expect nothing when he returned to the Fire Nation, his father dead, sister-in-law missing, and _honored_ younger brother sitting on the throne were a little much to take in.

"Uncle Iroh, would you honor me with a practice duel?"

Then again, some things never change. For better or for worse.

"Certainly, my dear niece."

Azula didn’t truly want a duel, he knew. She had done this before—try to impress and intimidate him with her skills as a firebender, and probably learn some new moves from him in the bargain. Perhaps her intention was to reassert her dominance after he had been away for so long. That was just how his niece was, the spitting image of her father.

Not unrelatedly, they were also just about the only people he could never forgive. They had blown through too many second chances.

"Of course, my father does not approve of unsanctioned duels, so—"

"I shall not tell a soul, Azula. I give you my word," he said kindly, smiling at her.

She was lying, of course; Ozai didn’t care about unsanctioned duels. She didn't want Ozai to know about the duel because she didn't want Ozai to see her lose. Arrogant she certainly was, but she was also smart enough to know when she was outmatched. Her goal was always to put up enough of a fight that Iroh would be scared of her _potential_ abilities. But it never hurt to be polite.

Azula bowed, a picture of perfect courtesy. "You are very kind, Uncle. Is six hours after sunset tonight in the Royal Training Grounds acceptable?"

Iroh nodded.

"Then I hope to see you there." Bowing one more time, she walked away.

Iroh arrived at the grounds exactly on time. About five minutes passed before Azula entered. Likely she had intentionally made him wait.

"I apologize for being late, Uncle. Thank you again for giving me this chance to test my abilities," she said courteously, bowing perfectly once more. "It is rare for me to have an opportunity to go all-out. I do have one request, though."

"For me not to hold back, correct?" It wasn't difficult to guess—that was the same request she always made.

"Yes," she answered casually.

They bowed to each other one final time, and the practice duel began.

Azula fired the opening volley, launching a few fireblasts that Iroh sidestepped easily. He could tell his niece hadn't put much power into them; they weren't even blue. They were warning shots.

He observed Azula carefully as she went through several katas, starting with the most basic patterns and slowly making them more complex and powerful as she went along. Iroh continued dodging them, bending a fireblast out of the way only rarely. No matter how much of a prodigy his niece was, she was still ten, and if she kept progressing through the katas like that she would falter eventually.

And indeed, soon enough, when she tried switching mid-pattern from a kata full of leg sweeps to one composed of rapid palm thrusts, her leg placement was slightly off, causing her to momentarily lose her balance. Iroh responded by balling both his hands into fists and punching forward, bending the chi in his body into two columns of fire angled down at his opponent.

But instead of wildly deflecting his attack and leaving herself open for a finishing blow, Azula caught herself immediately and swept her hands in a large circle, taking Iroh's attack and sending it screaming back at him. He moved his fists apart and bent the flames into the ground, but not before letting his surprise show for a moment.

"Did you like my feint, Uncle?" Azula asked innocently.

So she had planned that from the beginning.

"Quite ingenious, Azula," Iroh said with a neutral expression. "Shall I see how effective your defense is now?"

Without waiting for an answer, Iroh started going through the katas himself, in the exact same order Azula had. The point of this duel was not victory, after all—this was about political power and control. Iroh didn't care about those things anymore, but he was not of a mind to let Azula have them without a fight.

As Azula dodged and deflected his attacks, the difference in their abilities quickly became apparent. She had more raw power than he did, true, but the gulf of training and experience between them was quite broad and deep. However, even though this should have been obvious to her as well, Azula's cocky smile never left her lips. It might've been a mask, or a result of her thinking she had already proven her point, but Iroh knew his niece better than that. She was planning something else.

When Iroh reached the point where Azula had feinted, he switched to the palm thrust kata in the same place she had without missing a beat. After finishing that, he went into a basic firebending stance—arms and legs bent and apart—and stared at his niece, who was visibly sweating despite her front.

"Uncle," she said in a slightly hurt tone, "I asked you not to hold back, but you're nowhere near your best right now." She smiled, and in a way only Azula could, made it simultaneously friendly and malicious. "Unless it's true that the Dragon of the West died along with his son."

Iroh tried very hard to avoid rising to her bait, and succeeded.

For the most part.

He immediately decided that the best way to counter Azula's attempts at dominance was to wipe out her pride completely. He straightened his legs and launched himself at the girl, rocketing his body forward by forcing an incredible amount of fire out of his feet. Azula started attacking almost immediately, but _almost_ was not fast enough, and Iroh swatted her hasty assaults away with ease before stopping right in front of her, releasing the excess flames in a shockwave that knocked her off her feet. As she fell he calmly pointed his fist at her, mentally preparing what to say when she surrendered—

Except as soon as she hit the ground, the earth _moved_ under him, and he tripped and fell.

When he looked up, Azula was thrusting a fist wreathed in blue flames right in front of his eyes, with a look of utmost contempt on her face.

"Did you just take a fall to let me win, old man?"

Iroh was unable to answer as his mind tried to process what had just happened. There was only one possibility, and yet…

Some part of him had always guessed. The timing was perfect, her ridiculous talent at firebending (even for a member of the royal family) would be explained, and from a certain point of view, her position and intelligence made her the perfect candidate.

This train of thought was always interrupted by the sane part of his brain, which declared, _There's no way the Avatar Spirit would incarnate itself in_ Azula _, of all people!_

Yet here the evidence was, staring him in the face with a flaming fist.

After a few seconds, Azula sneered, returned her fist to her side, and stomped out of the training ground.

Minutes later Iroh went to his room, and lay in bed thinking for the rest of the night.

* * *

Things were going well for Azula, even better than they usually did. She was sitting in on more and more war council meetings, and Father had even started letting her contribute some ideas—allowing her to demonstrate her cunning to the generals. Her firebending was improving rapidly, while Zuko's was lagging. Add that to the special lessons she was getting from Ty Lee and Mai, and she'd be one of the most powerful benders in the world in just a few years.

That train of thought led her to _another_ "one of the most powerful benders in the world," her very dear uncle. Iroh had been acting strange ever since their “duel” a month ago. Or, to be more precise, he had been treating Azula differently. And not _good_ different (awe and fear), but _weird_ different. It was like he was interested in her. Not sexually—oh Agni, _please_ don’t make it be sexually—but like she was some exotic animal in a zoo he was seeing for the first time.

"Earth to Azula!" a chirpy voice called.

" _What_!" she snapped, causing the owner of said voice to leap back.

"Y-You just blanked out for a second," Ty Lee stammered, twisting her hands and looking away. "I was worried."

Azula smiled. “Sorry, Ty Lee. I’m fine.” She liked Ty Lee. Aside from the girl’s incredible flexibility and near-perfect knowledge of chi blockage points, the major reason for this was that she was the perfect servant: constantly terrified of Azula, always aiming to please her, and completely submissive. Basically, she was what Azula wanted to turn the world into.

"Yeah, just a little stage fright before her big exam," a monotone, airy voice said. "Get ready to laugh when she falls on her butt."

"Don't be silly, Mai," Azula responded. "You never laugh."

"Ha ha," Mai deadpanned, proving Azula wrong.

Azula snorted, unconsciously releasing a small bout of flame from her nostril. "Fine, you never laugh unless it's ironic."

"Glad you understand."

Mai was Azula's _other_ friend. She was the exact opposite of Ty Lee: unemotional, rational, and unafraid to make fun of Azula. That last part was necessary, as while Azula was near-perfect, she did occasionally make mistakes, and Mai was the only person who called her out on them other than her family. According to Father, her grandfather’s fatal mistake was filling his top posts with yes-men, and neither of them intended to mimic it. Even now, Mai's taunting was helping her to deal with the small amount of stress she _was_ feeling.

Preternatural skill with knives was a bonus. As was one _other_ thing.

"Alright, all done!" Ty Lee said, stepping back and shoving a mirror in front of Azula's face. Azula looked at it admiringly. The girl wasn't the brightest ember in the fire, but she did know her makeup.

Azula nodded. "Well done," she allowed, and stood up, putting her arms out for Ty Lee to attach the traditional firebender armor. It was important for the royal family to follow tradition. She nodded to Ty Lee after the latter was finished. “Alright, you can go sit with your family now. It’ll be over before you know it.”

Ty Lee smiled, then gave her a hug. Azula was surprised, but decided not to protest. “Happy birthday, Azula.” She broke the hug, and her smile turned into a grin. “Now kick his butt!” Then she left, waving to Azula and Mai behind her.

Azula returned the wave, feeling an odd bit of appreciation.

“I’m not going to hug you,” Mai said.

She turned toward Mai, lowering her hand but keeping the smile on her face. “Of course. There’s something else I’d like you to do, though.”

Mai looked at her, saying nothing.

“I’ve arranged things so you’ll be sitting near Zuko. Could you keep an eye on him? I want to know exactly what his face looks like when I win.”

The two of them stared at each other for a few seconds. “Of course, Princess,” Mai said, as deadpan and emotionless as ever.

Mai’s relationship with Zuko was the _other_ bonus to having her around. Azula’s smile got bigger. “You’re the best, Mai.”

Her friend bowed in response. The two of them then walked off, each to fulfill their assigned role.

Azula’s path took her to the middle of the courtyard. A huge crowd, including probably every important noble in the Fire Nation, had gathered to watch. Facing her was the master firebender that had been chosen for her test.

In the Fire Nation, the only way to be recognized as a firebending master was to defeat a firebending master. Azula, being not only the princess but also her father's pride and joy, had an additional task: defeat a firebending master so thoroughly that the entire country would know and fear her power.

The man Father had chosen was middle-aged, thin, and wiry. His name was Li (how original), and he was apparently a Captain in the army or something. Father hadn't told her much, to stop her from doing research beforehand. He was testing her today, too.

Not that he had any need to worry. Azula had never failed a single test he’d given her.

Her sifu, who was officially in charge of the exam, droned on about the history of the master test and other irrelevant matters until the opening fireball was finally launched. To avoid giving the appearance of favoritism, she had been ordered to let Li have the first attack. He launched twin fireballs at her, which she deflected easily. She responded with rapid palm thrusts and leg sweeps, sending a barrage of fire in his direction.

Li dodged all of it and ran away, with a few counter fireballs tossed her way for good measure.

Azula chased him while keeping up her assault, but very soon a dynamic took shape: she attacked, he dodged and countered, she deflected easily, and he was already too far away for her to deal the finishing blow.

His style was simple, but _really_ annoying. His aim was clear: get Azula to use up her chi, then defeat her when she was exhausted. The worst part was, it was _working_. She had only ever seen Ty Lee dodge that well, and Ty Lee couldn't firebend. She had never dealt with this kind of enemy before, and the longer it took to figure out how to destroy him, the more worried she became about the consequences of not destroying him quickly enough.

 _Well, how about this, then?_ She began a kata of her own invention (well, Ty Lee had helped), full of flips and the twisting of limbs. But in the middle of it she pretended to trip, and fell down in a way that would look painful. The trick almost worked on Iroh, and this guy was no Iroh. Azula was face-down on the ground, but all her remaining senses were on high alert, waiting for her opponent to come closer or attack.

A few seconds passed, but nothing happened. Azula glanced up. Li hadn’t moved from his spot. He was just watching her.

 _You’ve got to be kidding me,_ Azula thought as she pushed herself to her feet, eyes locked on the man. _That was the perfect chance; why didn’t you attack?_ As she resumed her assault, though, the answer came to her. He was faster and had more stamina. There was no reason for him to take any risks, because he had the advantage.

This no-name, unremarkable peon had the advantage against her.

As tears built in her eyes, Azula glanced at Father, hoping to find encouragement or maybe some sort of idea to win. But all she saw in his face was disappointment.

Something snapped. She could feel a scream, or wail, building in her throat, but she stuffed it back down. There was only one option now. After creating a wall of fire for protection, she breathed deeply and started meditating. She had done this many times before, so her positive and negative chi energies quickly became clear. She started pulling them apart.

By the time she realized how stupid trying to bend lightning _now_ was when she had never succeeded before, it was too late to do anything but try and make it work.

She attacked her own chi with a fury, tearing it apart, and—

Missed the moment when they crashed back together. The lightning building on her hands fizzled.

Azula’s entire body was seized by panic. And then Li dispersed her fire wall and charged at her.

She hated Li. She hated herself, for not being able to bend lightning. Most of all, though, she was afraid, afraid that she might actually _fail_ this test. Her instincts took over and threw her hands up over her face, while she begged her opponent to _stop_.

And before her eyes, he did. Azula didn't question why as she dove at the man and shoved her fist in front of his face, winning the practice duel.

As her emotions ebbed away and her senses started to return, Azula experienced a moment of confusion, wondering why nobody was cheering.

Then her peripheral vision recovered, and she understood all too well.

The earth below her opponent's feet had been bent, covering his legs and holding him in place.

Her first thought was, _So that's why he stopped._

Her second thought she expressed out loud. "Who interfered with my fight!" she screamed, looking about wildly, absolute fury twisting her face.

The crowd backed away while Azula's mind raced. The only other people here were Fire Nation nobility. There was no way an earthbender could be anywhere near the Fire Nation palace anyway. Maybe it was a spy or assassin, but if so, why would they interrupt her master exam? Wouldn't they take the opportunity to attack her, or her father?

She couldn't figure it out. So she did what she always did when she couldn't figure something out, and asked her father. "Father?" she said, turning around. "What just—"

Azula was stopped short by her father's look of shock and, for some reason, fear. Then, a moment later, her mind finally finished piecing together the events of the last few seconds.

She had moved her arms up, and the earth had bent up. At the same time she had been wishing, body and spirit, that her opponent would stop...

_No..._

She was born only two weeks before Avatar Shen's death had been confirmed. Information out of Ba Sing Se came slowly, so the timing was...

_No._

All the children born around Shen's death had been kept under close surveillance, but none of them had shown any signs of being the Avatar. Very few of them had even shown much firebending talent. The only one who hadn't been considered was...

_No!_

"Look, Father," she said, almost pleading ( _almost_ ), "I'm sure there's some kind of reasonable explanation for—"

Father rose from his seat, and with a stern look, slowly paced toward Azula. Her body tensed up, and she was so terrified she could neither move nor think.

He stopped right in front of her…and smiled.

Azula was filled with so much relief that she actually became weak at the knees.

 _Such a meek reaction_ , she chided herself. _I'll have to—_

Then Father's fist met her face, and her world went black.

* * *

It had been two months since Iroh received his confirmation that Azula was the Avatar, in the worst way possible.

He, and the White Lotus, had been very busy during those two months. He had called a meeting immediately after Azula's eleventh birthday/reveal as the Avatar, and they unanimously agreed on the need to break her out of her holding cell and take her someplace Ozai couldn't reach. The Earth Kingdom was out: only Ba Sing Se was completely safe from the Fire Nation, and they couldn't risk letting Azula fall into the Dai Li's clutches. Besides, it was too obvious. The Northern Water Tribe seemed reasonable, but Ozai knew that too, and the country was compact enough to be extremely vulnerable to a full assault by the Fire Nation army.

That left the Southern Water Tribes. Diffuse enough to make any attempt to track down the Avatar very difficult, and still powerful enough after Hatsuna to beat back all but a focused, prolonged assault. They had become very adept at guerrilla warfare over the past 60 years, enough so that every Fire Nation soldier dreaded being sent to the South most of all. Even if Ozai were to discover she was there, he wouldn’t be able to find her without devoting a large number of troops to the task, and if he did _that_ the Earth Kingdom and Northern Tribe would pounce. Of course, the downside was that the South’s strength lay in defense, not offense, so they’d have to eventually travel to the Earth Kingdom and Northern Tribe in order to build the necessary alliances to defeat Ozai. But they could cross that bridge when they came to it.

It took a while to finish negotiations with the selected Southern tribe, not to mention develop a plan to break into the inner sanctum of the Fire Nation palace and rescue Azula from its deepest depths. But the plans had been drawn up and the preparations were in place. All that was left now was to execute them.

As an elite strike force of White Lotus members and allies attacked the Capital, chaos swept the city, and Iroh was able to sneak into the location where Azula was imprisoned.

It was not the Boiling Rock. As supposedly impregnable as that prison was, Ozai didn’t want to keep the Avatar that far away from him, even though—or especially because—she was his daughter. So he kept her in the Dragon's Pit instead: an underground dungeon deep below the palace, in the lowest part of its emergency bunker.

Despite the White Lotus’s attack a few guards were still stationed there, but the Dragon of the West was not dead quite yet.

Iroh arrived at her cell a bit behind schedule, so he had to hurry. He melted the metal lock, shoved the door open—

And his thinking hit a brick wall.

He had known, very well, his brother's attitude toward the Avatar; he had received the same lectures from their father, after all. He knew that being Ozai’s daughter would only make it worse, not better, for Azula. He had prepared himself for anything…or at least, thought he had.

She was bound to a chair, with all four of her limbs hideously bent in at least three places where they shouldn't be.

Ozai had broken them all, more than twice over.

And when she looked up at Iroh, there were empty sacks where her eyeballs used to be.

Iroh fought the urge to throw up. He won. Barely.

_If only I had acted sooner instead of waiting for confirmation..._

He shoved that thought aside, knowing it would come back to haunt him for the rest of his life.

There was an odd sort of gag that covered the bottom of her face but kept her mouth open. After he took it out Azula closed her mouth, opened it, then started coughing hoarsely. Iroh looked around the cell for water, didn’t see any, and wasn’t willing to let her be alone. So he just looked at her as a feeling of _disconnection_ blazed through him, severing his connections to the past and present, reducing the whole of reality to this one room.

After several false starts Azula eventually spoke, voice barely audible. "So who's the brave prince, here to rescue the beautiful princess? Although I suppose I'm not so beautiful anymore."

"It's Iroh," he managed to say.

She seemed surprised at first, though it was hard to tell given the circumstances, but nodded after a few seconds. "I see. Siding with the Avatar in order to take down your brother and get the throne? Well, I suppose I can't complain. Anyway, I'd suggest you untie me and carry me on your back, because unfortunately I cannot exactly move on my own right now."

Iroh started to nod before realizing it was pointless. _Stupid._ Remembering his time limit, he untied Azula as fast as possible and gingerly picked her up.

"I said on your _back_ , Iroh; you need your hands to firebend. Use the rope you just burnt off of me to fasten me to you. Agni, do I have to think of everything…"

Iroh was in no mood to argue and did as she suggested. He didn't have enough time to do a proper job of it, though, so he ended up needing to use one arm to keep her from falling off. Admittedly, it was better than carrying her. He ran toward the bunker's exit, trying to keep Azula as comfortable as possible.

Neither said anything for a few minutes. When Iroh was getting near the exit, incapacitating the one guard he saw before she could report anything, Azula finally spoke up.

"Where are we going?"

"South Pole."

A pause. "Not bad. That's what I would've chosen. I assume you've contacted people there already?"

"Yes."

Another pause. "Does that include a healer?"

"I believe so."

A third pause. Iroh dreaded the next words, and Azula probably dreaded asking them, but it would have to be addressed sooner or later.

"Can they heal me?" she eventually asked.

Iroh didn't answer at first, until the exit finally came into sight.

"I believe they can fix your limbs. But they can’t give you new eyes," he eventually said.

Because it was pointless to lie to her.

They were almost above ground now. Only a few more seconds.

"Iroh?"

"Yes?"

"I’m the one who’ll kill Ozai."

He stepped out of the darkness and into the clear, midday sun.

"That's the plan.”


	2. Part 2

**Part Two**

* * *

Iroh and Azula held exactly four conversations during their long, restless, miserable journey to the South Pole on a rickety old boat.

The first was initiated when Azula complained about said boat—"I can't see, but I can _smell_ the worthlessness of this dump" were the exact words.

Iroh explained that a fancy ship would both attract too much attention and be far too difficult to acquire; there weren't many ships outside of the Fire Nation Navy, and while some army officials were opposed to Ozai in principle (especially after his “decisions” regarding Azula) none of them were willing to defy the Firelord openly. Azula acquiesced reluctantly but quickly. Self-interested logic was probably the only thing that could move her, but move her it most certainly did.

Their second conversation began when Iroh told her who they were going to stay with.

"Hakoda!?” she shouted. “Either I misheard you or you’re going senile, old man, because shacking up with the most famous southern barbarian in the world is the _stupidest_ idea I've ever had the displeasure of hearing."

"First of all, Azula," Iroh began from his prepared speech, having had a good idea of what his niece's reaction was going to be, "you might not want to complain about ‘southern barbarians,’ considering your current situation." Azula practically _snarled_ at that. Iroh ignored her and continued.

"Second, my brother is going to send thousands of soldiers to the South Pole once he figures out you're there—and he will figure it out eventually. Starting with Hatsuna, the Southern Water Tribes became experts at hiding from the Fire Nation in order to save themselves from our raiders, and Hakoda's the best there is. Just because he's famous doesn't mean he's easy to find; on the contrary, he became famous because he's the _hardest_ to find. Besides, the most skilled healers and waterbenders in the South are in his tribe, so if you want to recover and learn waterbending there’s no better option.”

Once again, Azula was angry; once again, she had to bow to Iroh's logic. She may have been smart, but Iroh had the intellectual weight of the entire White Lotus behind him. No eleven-year-old could match that.

Their third conversation was prompted when Azula asked Iroh one day, out of the blue, "Where are Ty Lee and Mai?"

Iroh blinked, then answered levelly and truthfully. "While they are your friends, they're also daughters of influential families, so they managed to escape punishment. As far as I know, Mai went back to live with her family while Ty Lee went to the circus."

That produced something Iroh hadn't seen in quite a while: a laugh from Azula, albeit a short and bitter one. Iroh decided it was worth the risk to inquire further. "What's so amusing, my niece?"

Azula answered after a few seconds, slowly and with no discernible emotion. "You'd think Ty Lee was getting the raw end of that deal, but it's the opposite. She's always wanted to go to the circus, while there are few things Mai hates more than her family. And she hates a lot of things."

They were both silent for a while, until Iroh eventually felt forced to say, "We can't get them—"

"I know, Iroh. They're both connected to me, so Ozai's going to have them under constant surveillance. Agni, I'm not Zuko, old man; I have _some_ brain cells."

 _Zuko._ Iroh was trying to avoid thinking about him. He had returned to the palace in order to free the boy from the shackles of his father, but Azula—or rather, the _Avatar_ —had put a stop to that. The operation to rescue Azula was risky enough; it was impossible to take Zuko along as well, even assuming he would want to go. And he wouldn’t.

 _I suppose both of us have to abandon the ones we care about_ , he reflected while studying Azula for some sign of emotion. _Though I have more practice at it._

Their fourth conversation occurred at about the midpoint of their trip. Iroh had finished feeding Azula dinner and was about to go check the sail when she said, "Wait."

Iroh paused and looked back.

"Don't you want to know why they did this to me?"

He said nothing.

Azula smiled what _had_ to be a rueful smile, but looked for all the world like it was one of immense pleasure. "It’s not very hard to guess, of course, but the guy in charge of the prison—name was Haka, incidentally—felt the need to inform me in person. He said they didn't want the Avatar to reincarnate so he was ordered to keep me alive, but only barely. That was why he put that custom gag on me. He had to cover my teeth to keep me from biting my tongue off and committing suicide, but needed to leave an opening for my mouth so I could be fed. Well, I couldn’t chew, so they only fed me mushed up slop, but still.

"Anyway, the next problem was, how to prevent me from escaping? The obvious answer is just to cut off my arms and legs, which is apparently what Haka wanted to do. But he said Ozai overruled that idea, since there was too much risk of me bleeding out; even if they managed to cauterize immediately, I might have been able to figure out a way to reopen the wounds. So they did this,” she rotated her head around, “as the next-best thing. Haka wanted a _souvenir_ , though, so he decided, hey, why not take my eyes? He covered his hand in fire, reached in, and plucked them out with his fingers. He made sure I was awake for that, by the way.

"They never tortured me after that though, again because they didn’t want to risk me dying. So in that sense, I guess I was lucky. Don’t you think?"

Iroh didn’t know if it was best to remain silent or say something, and if the latter, what he should say. All he could do was stare at the cloth he had tied around her eyes, imagining the empty sockets that lay behind it. In the end Iroh said nothing, and went back to check on the sail.

Maybe he didn’t understand his niece as much as he thought he did.

* * *

Azula stomped her foot and screamed in frustration.

“Calm down, Azula,” Father said, squatting down and putting his arm around her shoulder. “Getting upset will only interfere with your bending.”

“But I’ve tried so many times and it’s still not working!”

Father grinned. “Well, this _is_ a very advanced kata. Even I learned it when I was years older than you are now.”

“Are you saying I should just give up?” Azula pouted.

Father laughed. “If I thought that, would I be giving you this special training?”

Azula scuffed the ground with her foot. Her frustration started to fade, replaced by a warm feeling that spread throughout her body. “I guess not.”

“Exactly. Now then,” Father stood up, “follow my lead one more time.” Azula nodded, standing at his side. “First you do this,” he said, sweeping his leg back, which Azula copied. “Good. Then,” he turned to face her, “you do _this_ ,” and time slowed down as Father’s fist rushed toward her face. Somehow, though, his voice stayed at the same speed. “This is what the Avatar deserves.”

Azula couldn’t move as the fist, now on fire, expanded until it covered everything—and then suddenly, the world went black.

Eventually, after a couple minutes of sobbing, Azula realized she was awake.

Though “sobbing” was not quite the right word for it. Her mouth was making the right noises, and she was feeling an intense, overpowering _desire_ to cry, but no tears formed. And they hadn’t since the day they tore out her eyes.

They... _Ozai_ had even taken that.

* * *

Iroh's first meeting with Hakoda, greatest of the Southern chiefs and his new protector, was in a small igloo near the South Pole's coast. The meeting had been organized by Hakoda's mother Kanna, a member of the Order of the White Lotus. Not that her family knew that.

Iroh had never met Hakoda before, and looking at the man he could not see the qualities that made him so great. There were many stories about Ice Wolf Hakoda, but all Iroh saw before him was a tired, gentle-looking middle-aged man.

 _Then again, maybe I'm not one to talk_ , he thought grimly. Iroh knew from first-hand experience how quickly one could shed gentleness.

The only signs of Hakoda's status were the beads hung in his hair, and even those were far fewer than tradition would normally signify a Chief should wear, especially in a formal setting. His parka was worn and plain, his gloves and boots dark and rough; he wasn't even sitting on any sort of raised dais. To his left was Kanna, with a somewhat more ceremonial-looking coat that covered her almost completely, making her look like a bear-pig's corpse.

Sitting on Hakoda's right was his bodyguard Hama, the most powerful waterbender in the South. She was at least as famous as her tribe's Chief—she had studied under Avatar Hatsuna's prized pupil (and probable lover), and later was the leader of a feared guerrilla force that combined the best waterbenders from many different tribes. After that fell apart, the tribeless Hama moved in with Kanna, and became the leader of _her_ tribe's guerrilla force. She was too old now to engage in pitched battles directly, but was plenty good enough to defend Hakoda, and few dared to take up arms against her.

She was also known for truly and completely despising the Fire Nation and its people. Soldiers feared being her captive even more than they feared being her combatant. She was also responsible for the only successful invasion of the Fire Nation mainland during the entire war, one that was still spoken of in soft whispers, as well as the occasional angry drunken rant swearing revenge.

Needless to say, the meeting was not as comfortable as might have been preferred.

Still, it went well. Kanna did most of the talking. Iroh had already known she held most of the real power, but he was somewhat surprised they didn't even bother pretending otherwise. Hakoda interjected occasionally, while Hama just glared at Iroh. He had instructed Azula to remain silent, and no one ever addressed the blind, crippled, eleven-year-old Avatar. Even Hama only spared her a disdainful glance once.

They had roughly three years until Sozin's Comet, which would likely herald the Fire Nation’s victory, so it was agreed to make the final, go-for-broke invasion some to-be-determined time beforehand. Trusted messengers were to be sent to Ba Sing Se and the North, complete with a poison they could use on themselves in case of capture. Iroh also requested a suitable earthbending master be searched for, although the logistics of that would be a challenge.

The biggest problem at the moment was airbending, but Kanna had a solution for that. Or at least, pretended she did—the true source of the idea had been the collective leadership of the White Lotus. But the other three didn't need to know that, either.

"There is a frozen forest at the southernmost point of the South Pole," Kanna intoned. "It is the most spiritual place in our lands. The Winter Solstice is soon. If the Avatar meditates in the forest during the Winter Solstice, her spirit should be able to enter the Spirit World. If an airbender exists anywhere, they will be there."

At the end, Iroh dared to ask Hama if she was going to heal Azula herself. The waterbender gave him a withering look while Hakoda laughed.

"Hama's the best there is at killing people, but when she tries to heal them, she tends to make them worse," the chieftain said lightly. "But don't worry. I knew the situation and brought along our best healer. The Avatar won't be wanting for medical attention."

Iroh almost winced, knowing those words and tone wouldn't exactly endear the man to Azula. But when he glanced at her, she was wearing the same mask of indifference she always wore these days.

Finally the three Water Tribesmen left, with Hakoda promising the healer would be there soon. After they all left hearing range—Hama favoring him with one last glare—he turned to Azula and prepared for the eruption.

To his surprise, there was none. She still had the mask up.

"How was it?" he asked tentatively, though making sure to project certainty in his tone. It would be a disaster if Azula thought he was weak.

"Nothing particularly objectionable occurred," Azula answered evenly.

Iroh nodded, then caught himself. It was still hard to remember she was blind sometimes. After quietly berating himself, he said, "Indeed."

They said nothing else before the healer arrived. He looked to be in his 20s, with black hair and light skin for a Water Tribesman. He happily waved Iroh out of the igloo, and Iroh obeyed, looking back at Azula only once before he stepped outside.

 _If this is how cold it is at the coast, I'm not looking forward to going further inland_ , he thought, wrapping his arms around himself and doing firebending exercises to warm up.

* * *

Azula hated being blind.

Oh sure, having all your limbs broken was incredibly humiliating, but not having eyes was even worse. Throughout her life, Fath—she had been taught to notice all the subtle ranges of emotion a face could produce. Faces don’t lie, and Azula had learned well the art of gleaning people’s true characters through sight alone.

“ _The face is a window to the spirit,” Father said, smiling._ The memory flashed through Azula’s mind before she could stop it. She bit hard on her lip, focusing on the pain until the memory went away.

Regardless, now she would have to rely on voice alone. Worse, she'd have to figure it out by herself, so Agni knew how long that would take. In the meantime, not knowing others' emotions with perfect clarity was like another blindness. It left her almost immobile in social situations.

She was actually grateful that she didn't have to speak at the meeting, despite the fact that it involved the two subjects closest to Azula's heart (herself and politics, in that order). So she listened and tried to work on analyzing their voices.

By the end of the hours-long talk, she figured she had the basics down somewhat—having had previous training in voice analysis helped a lot. Getting back to her old level, though, would take years, if it was even possible at all.

Terrific.

The four adults left, and someone with light footsteps entered the ridiculously cold igloo.

"Hello," a young male voice said cheerfully. "I'm Kalu, and I'll be your healer for the foreseeable future. Let's get along!"

Azula despised him immediately.

"Just see what you can do about my limbs, okay?"

The man hummed. "Alright. That's going to require touching you, incidentally. I assure you I have no untoward—"

"I know." She swallowed a sigh. "Just do it." She hated the way it seemed like he was almost (but not quite) laughing after everything he said.

Kalu started feeling Azula's arm, pressing down harder occasionally. Azula did her best not to grunt in pain when he did that, and mostly succeeded. After a while he moved on to her other arm, then her legs, and the entire time he insisted on chatting with Azula. It was really annoying.

"So, little Avatar—"

" _Don't call me that_."

"What's it like being the Avatar?"

"You have eyes, I assume. Use them and guess."

He clucked his tongue. "No need to use that tone, little Avatar."

"I can use whatever tone I want when talking to some pissant barbarian!"

He started humming again. "And what if I told you I was the son of the chief?"

That surprised her. "Isn't Hakoda's son supposed to be a nonbending brat?"

"His official son, yes. I just so happen to be a bastard."

As much as Azula hated this guy and didn't want to talk to him, she had to admit he was piquing her curiosity. "A bastard, huh? How'd that happen?"

The humming got louder. "You see, little Avatar, when a man and a woman love each other very—"

" _Not that_! I know about sex, you swine."

Azula thought she heard Kalu chuckle, but it was fast and hard to make out. "Fair enough. About 26 years ago, before my father had become Chief, he and his troops managed to capture an entire Fire Nation raiding party. One of their soldiers caught his eye, and they had what you might call an illicit—"

"Wait, you're half Fire Nation?"

The humming started up again. "Indeed. My father swears it was mutual love, though I can't deny I've wondered occasionally. In any event, it was of course impossible for them to stay together. They eventually sent her back in a prisoner exchange, but he kept the baby. 25 years later, here I am."

Kalu didn't talk after that, and Azula considered the information she had just been given. "So is that why you're a healer even though you're a guy?" she asked after a minute. "Because they didn't want to let a half-breed learn combat arts?"

This time, Azula _definitely_ heard a chuckle. "You're thinking about the Northern Water Tribe there, little Avatar. Really, with their cities and hierarchies and laws, they're more of a country than a tribe these days. I keep saying, any day now they're going to start calling themselves the 'Water Empire' or something.

"Anyway, while the North may cling to a sexist delineation of bending duties, we in the South never really had that problem. Especially after Hatsuna. I'm good at healing and bad at battle, so I became a healer. Not so complicated.

"As to my being half-Fire Nation, that does cause trouble occasionally. But after you bring their friends and family back from certain death, people have a tendency to treat you well. Especially when they know you're the only one who could've done it."

There was blessed silence for a few minutes (except for the humming). Then Kalu withdrew his hands and seemed to back up a bit. "They sure did a number on you, huh?"

Azula didn’t say anything.

"Well, hate to break it to you, little Avatar, but we do have a problem here. Since your limbs were tied up and left untreated for so long, your bones started growing back in ways they shouldn't. If you want to gain much function back in them, it'll take…drastic measures."

"Cut the dramatics and just tell me."

She could practically _sense_ Kalu smiling. "I'd have to break them again, in all the places they broke them the first time, then set it up so that _this_ time the bones heal properly."

A chill crept up Azula's spine. The memory of the day she was imprisoned, always just barely beneath the surface, flooded her senses. Her final memory with sight, the day all control had been stripped from her and she had been left a doll.

She gulped and tried her best not to sound nervous. "Then do it."

More silence. Azula's heart was beating hard in her chest.

Eventually, Kalu said, "It would be very painful, of course, and I can't do anything about that. I’ll also warn you that I’ve never done something like this before; it’s possible I’ll have to do it a second or third time if you’re to regain full functionality. And you are still just eleven, little Avatar. I should probably ask your uncle."

"No!" she screamed. "It's my body, and it’s my choice! I don't care how much it hurts, and I don't care how many times you have to do it; going through life not being able to move is infinitely worse. Now _do it_!"

Azula had no idea how many seconds passed after that.

Finally, Kalu chuckled again, low and soft. "I kinda like you, little Avatar. Okay, I'll do it. But I imagine your uncle is going to come running when he hears your screams and won't be very happy, so I'd ask for your help in explaining the situation. If the Dragon of the West kills me, your recovery will go much worse, I promise."

Azula would've rolled her eyes, if she had had them. "I'm not an idiot. Just do it."

She heard Kalu stand up. Azula grit her teeth and prepared.

* * *

Iroh was deep in thought as he trudged along the icy wilderness, heading for the living grounds of Hakoda’s tribe with Azula sleeping on his back. _First we wait for her to heal_ , he thought. He had to admit he didn’t entirely trust Hakoda’s bastard after the man broke Azula’s limbs without his permission, but both Kanna and Hakoda vouched for his skills, so he had to live with it. _Next is airbending._ Nobody would follow someone who claimed to be the Avatar but could only bend fire. It was impossible to know how long that would take so it was hard to make further plans. Finding a waterbending sifu wouldn’t be a problem, but they’d likely have to go to the Earth Kingdom for earthbending training. _Then there’s the issue of her blindness, though really, are we not all blind to the true nature of things? Indeed—_

Iroh blinked and stopped in his tracks. What was he doing?

“Something wrong, Iroh?” he heard Hakoda ask.

“Ah, no, I’m fine.” He started walking again. Come to think of it, it _had_ been a long time since he had meditated on the nature of reality; the last time may have been at the beginning of the miserable ship ride here. And when was the last time he had had a good cup of tea—during one of the White Lotus’s planning sessions?

No, even that wasn’t getting to the heart of the matter. His nerves had been stretched tight as a bowstring for months straight now. When was the last time he had been relaxed and happy? Before he found out Azula was the Avatar?

Or before he saw his son’s headless corpse?

 _This is pointless_ , he told himself. _You’re not helping anyone._ Breathe out, breathe in. Imagine life flowing into you with each breath. See it feed the bonfire of your soul. Feel it warm the air around you with each exhale.

Images of Lu Ten and Zuko flitted through his mind. He let them sit there while he meditated, until they faded away on their own.

Right now, he had a role to fulfill. He had to ensure Azula would grow into a proper Avatar. All the rest could wait.

* * *

"Hi, Azula!"

Hooray. "Katara."

It turned out the Southern Water Tribes really were _tribes_ , surprisingly enough. They all lived together, ate together, slept together, and generally acted as if they had never heard of the concept of privacy. And Hakoda's tribe was _large_. It was hard to tell _how_ large since all the adult members were constantly leaving to hunt, scout, harass Fire Nation troops, and the like—but even only counting the young, old, and infirm they numbered well over 500. From what Azula could gather, Hakoda basically just organized the logistics of it all (admittedly a pretty daunting task, for a barbarian at least), while his mother did the actual decision-making, leader-like stuff.

Azula wasn't exactly keen on dealing with so many savages in her state, so she spent most of her time with the chief, as was her right as the Avatar. Unfortunately that brought its own problems; namely, having to deal with the chief's children.

"I'm here to feed you lunch!" The girl giggled.

"I figured," Azula said, careful to keep the disdain out of her voice.

His son, Sokka, was kind of surly and distrustful. Which suited Azula just fine. His daughter Katara, on the other hand...

"I talked to Kalu this morning. He said you'll probably be able to move your limbs by next week! Isn't that great?"

"Wonderful."

Hakoda's wife, in her infinite wisdom, had decided to leave Azula and Katara alone for the first few hours after they met to "bond." Katara proceeded to rattle off every half-baked story she had ever heard about the Avatar. Not wanting to antagonize her protector's daughter, Azula smiled and nodded while secretly wanting to kill herself.

She liked Ty Lee, but was often incredibly annoyed by her, and Katara was a Ty Lee who didn’t know when to shut up.

To be fair, Katara got better after she finished gushing about the Avatar. She then happily took over all of Iroh's old duties, including feeding and…cleaning Azula. Azula was grateful for this; being aided in that way was _incredibly_ humiliating, but it was slightly better when it was a ten-year-old girl instead of a thousand-year-old man. And the girl was pleasant enough, generally speaking. Plus she was apparently a waterbender training under Hama herself, which might make her useful in a few years' time.

But the girl's practically worshipful attitude was starting to really grate on her. At first, Azula didn’t quite know why—normally she _loved_ it when people worshiped her. But she managed to figure it out soon enough.

Katara wasn't worshiping _her_. After all, what person even remotely sane would worship a blind cripple who couldn’t even wash her own ass? No, Katara didn’t really care about _Azula_ at all; she was worshiping the _Avatar_.

"So, you won’t believe what Sokka said today…"

* * *

A month after he first broke her limbs, Hakoda's bastard told Iroh that it was safe to take off Azula's bindings and let her move.

"She'll be sluggish for a while yet, and I'll still need to be on hand, of course," he had said. “And as you know, I might have to break them again somewhere down the line for the bones to heal completely. But I figured the little Avatar wants control of her limbs as soon as possible, no matter how little it is."

To be honest, Iroh still didn’t trust the man, but he certainly did know his job. And he was right about Azula—she practically gushed at Kalu when he took her restraints off.

Well, not really, it wasn't even particularly close to gushing. But closer than he had ever seen her get before...at least, with anyone other than her father.

Then she started walking.

Her face screwed up in concentration, she took her first step in over three months. And as she firmly planted her foot, her face blossomed into a grin of pure joy.

She took a second step.

And crashed to the ground.

Kalu and Katara instantly ran toward her, but Iroh waved them off. Maybe he didn’t understand his niece perfectly, but he _did_ know she would hurt anyone who tried to help her right now.

Azula stood up by herself, slowly, a bruise starting to form on her cheek. The joy was gone, replaced by concentration again.

It didn't come back.

* * *

“Let’s try it again, okay? Remember, the key is to—”

“Work with the flow of the water, not against it,” Azula said. “You don’t have to repeat yourself.”

Katara smiled. “Right. And don’t worry, because—”

“It’s my opposite element. And I’m blind.”

“I didn’t say the second part.”

“You didn’t have to.”

Katara frowned. Azula was hard to get along with when she got like this. Not that Katara could really blame her. Daddy had explained to her what happened to Azula before the Avatar arrived. She was used to death, everyone in the South was, but that... _that_ was on a whole different level. When Katara imagined Daddy blinding her and breaking her arms and legs, her heart started beating so loud she couldn’t hear anything else. To actually _live_ it would be...

And yet, despite it all, Azula was doing her best to recover and train, all so that she could save the world. Mommy was right about the Avatar after all. That was why Katara was determined to be her best friend. And that was why she was teaching her waterbending here, even though the adults told her not to.

Still, though. How was she supposed to react when Azula said stuff like that?

Not knowing what to do, Katara decided to just ignore it and proceed with the training. She formed a stance and bent some snow out of the ground, melting it into water as she did so.

Everyone called her a prodigy. She didn’t really get it, but it seemed that nobody else could _see_ water like she could, or they couldn’t see it _flow_ like she could. Bending wasn’t really about controlling the water, it did its own thing no matter what; all you could do was channel it in the direction you wanted. Like a guide, or a teacher.

Sort of like what she was doing with Azula. Except she couldn’t see how Azula flowed. That made it a lot harder.

Katara bent the water into a thin stream and sent it meandering toward Azula. She caught the stream, and managed to keep it going for a second before the water fell to the ground.

“That was amazing, Azula! You’re making great progress.”

As usual, Azula didn’t respond to praise. She just said, “Do it again.”

Katara glanced back at the carriage in the distance. “Maybe we should call it quits for today. We’ve been out for a long—”

“I _said_ , do it again.”

She felt a little uneasy as she looked back at her friend, who was as angry as Katara had ever seen her. Now that Azula could move around, she could be a little scary sometimes. “O-okay. One more time.” She bent some snow up again, formed it into water—and yelped when someone’s hand gripped her wrist, sending the water splashing to the ground.

“If I had known you would do this, I wouldn’t have let you come along.”

Katara gulped as she looked up. Naya was Sifu Hama’s top student, on track to become captain of the tribe’s warriors, and _more_ than a little scary. She was in charge during their trip to the Spirit Forest.

After glaring at Katara for a few more seconds, Naya turned to Azula. “Training’s over. We’re returning to the carriage.”

Azula didn’t move. “If you don’t want _her_ to teach me, you should’ve agreed to do it yourself.”

“As I’ve already told you, there’s a _reason_ you have to learn the elements in order. Right now you’re putting too much will into your water, so you’ll either fail or, worse, hurt yourself and others. There’ll be more than enough time for waterbending once you’ve grasped the basics of airbending. Now,” she jerked Katara’s hand, “we’re going back to the carriage, and if you don’t follow we’re going to leave you behind.”

“Transparent bluff,” Azula grumbled, but she did follow them into the carriage. Naya didn’t say another word as she got into the driver’s seat and pulled on the yak-oxen’s reins.

Azula was sitting next to Katara and looked pretty...mad? Sad? Either way Katara wanted to say something, but hesitated as she looked at the other two people in the carriage. Big brother Kalu, there to help with Azula’s recovery, was really weird but he wasn’t the one she was afraid of. That was Azula’s uncle. Sure, he was sleeping now, but still...he was the Dragon of the West. No matter what Gran-Gran said, she couldn’t help but feel nervous when she was close to the man who had symbolized the Fire Nation army her entire life.

The next day, as Azula’s mood didn’t improve and a raging blizzard made it impossible for any of them to leave the carriage, she wondered if maybe going on this trip was a bad idea after all.

* * *

"You know what you’re supposed to do?"

"Yes, Iroh, you've told me a thousand times. Meditate, go to the Spirit World, find an airbender, get them to teach me as many things as possible."

"Indeed. Remember, we will—"

"Take care of my body, and I’ll be able to find it either in the carriage or back with the tribe. Now just shut up and let me concentrate on my breathing."

Iroh looked at his niece, draped with at least ten mole-bear skins, huddled at the base of a giant frozen tree. Agreeing to this plan in the abstract was one thing; actually seeing it play out in front of him was another. _Too late to change it now._ He swallowed and nodded. Then berated himself and said, "Alright. We’ll be waiting."

* * *

"Welcome to the Spirit World!"

"Unh," Azula grunted, her vision blurry. "Who are...wait...” She blinked, and the world came into focus. “I can _see_!”

Azula looked around wildly. The faces of her escorts ( _That's what they look like_?), the frozen forest all around her, some tattooed bald boy wearing a robe—

"Who are you!" she yelled, pointing a finger at him. "And why can I see!"

The boy looked thoughtful for a second, then nodded. "I'll answer your second question first. You're in the Spirit World right now. See, that's your body right below you."

Azula looked down and saw herself. She involuntary flinched.

"Now, _technically_ the Spirit World exists outside of space and time, in a sort of parallel dimension overlapping the Material World." As he talked, the boy’s gestures were becoming more and more dramatic, and his eyes were getting steadily brighter. "Note, this has a bunch of strange consequences, if you think about it. Like, if we're outside of time right now, how come we're still in sync with the passage of time in the Material World? I think—"

" _Why can I see!_ "

The boy took a step back and coughed. "Er, right, sorry." He cleared his throat, then started speaking again, once more becoming increasingly excited with each word he spoke. "All spirits are, in essence, one. What you're seeing right now isn't the true nature of the Spirit World, it's how _your_ spirit interprets it. Nobody really knows why human spirits interpret it with their senses; I think probably we just spent so much time in the Material World that that way of perceiving reality just became a habit, you know what I mean?"

Azula tried to glare at him, but realized she couldn't. "No," she said distractedly.

"Um, well, basically, since the entire Spirit World is already a part of you, or to be more accurate it’s the _same thing_ as your spirit, you 'know' it all already." Now he was getting _really_ worked up. "You're just seeing it because you used eyesight for the first eleven years of your life."

Azula was barely paying attention to him; she was looking for some kind of reflective surface.

"But! You need to keep in mind that while distinction, as in any kind of distinction of course, may not exist _ultimately_ , it does exist _practically_. There are differences between spirits in terms of practical existence, just not ultimate nature, which is why it's possible for us to interact like this. Everyone knows this. However! I started thinking about it, and realized: if distinction doesn't ultimately exist, then neither does the ultimate/practical distinction, and when you realize _that_ —"

Azula screamed.

She could see, all right. She could see her eyeless face staring back at her through the ice.

Needless to say, she turned away from that sight immediately.

"Um…" the boy said, stepping closer to Azula. "Are you okay?"

"Shut up!" Azula yelled. "Just who are you? What do you want?"

The insane kid actually _beamed_. "My name is Aang. I was Avatar three incarnations before you. I'm also your Spirit Adviser. Nice to meet you!"

* * *

Ozai raged.

He had been counting on Azula to succeed him after he conquered the world. But then that fell through. So stupidly he had tried to teach Zuko, only to learn of his son's worthlessness all over again.

"Is this because of Roku's blood!" he thundered. "All of his descendants are weaklings or traitors, is that it? Even in death, that man bedevils this family!"

_To think I was once in love with that woman..._

Shortly, though, Ozai calmed down. After all, he was still a relatively young man, and he planned on seeing many more sunrises.

He called a retainer in.

"Publicize this message," he said through the Fire Curtain. "Though the Firelord still grieves the loss of his first wife, for the good of the nation he must move on. While honoring the late Firelady Ursa's memory, he has decided to start searching for a new bride. Any noble lady between the ages of," a short pause for thought, "13 and 29, please come to the…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s a gland in your eye socket that produces tears. That gland got damaged or destroyed when Azula lost her eyes, which is why she can’t cry.
> 
> All of the stuff Aang is talking about is basically copied straight from Buddhism (certain abstract branches of Mahayana, to be specific). I didn't even let him get into the real cool stuff.


	3. Part 3

**Part 3**

* * *

During their trip across the South Pole on his flying bison ( _I am so glad great-grandfather killed all these things_ , Azula thought, while also wondering if she could throw up in the Spirit World), Aang refused to explain much, promising "all will become clear when we arrive.” Instead he prattled on about his personal half-baked theories on the nature of reality and the causes of evil and which animals were most fun to ride on. She knew she should probably act interested to get on the kid's good side, but that knowledge couldn’t overcome her disgust with him, his bison, the Spirit World, and life in general. So she said nothing and watched the ground instead, deciding to take advantage of this aerial view to get some info on the terrain.

For the past few months, Azula had wanted more than anything to get her eyesight back. She should’ve been elated. But seeing in the Spirit World was different. It was hard to put into words, but everything she saw somehow lacked _reality_. It was like she was dreaming, and knew she was dreaming, but couldn’t wake up. In any event, it wasn’t actual sight.

_That_ she had lost forever.

Eventually Aang arrived at what appeared to be the former Southern Air Temple. Signs of the 97-year-old battle could still be seen (or “seen”) in scorch marks on the wall, old suits of armor, and a few corpses that had rotted into bones. Azula felt a surge of pride as she followed Aang inside the building.

She may have been the Avatar, and the Firelordwas now her enemy, but she was still Fire Nation.

They soon arrived at a large room that housed a huge number of statues. Looking around, Azula quickly came to realize that they were the previous incarnations of the Avatar.

_My previous lives._ But even as she thought that, she couldn't accept it.

"Hey, why don't you have a statue here, kid?" Azula asked.

"No one was around to carve it," he answered darkly.

_Oh yeah, genocide. Stupid question._ "Right. Sorry."

"It's okay. It's been 97 years, and everyone involved is dead. I'm over it."

_I'm sure._ But she knew better than to press the issue.

They walked up several flights of stairs and through many more statues until they finally reached the end. Azula idly observed the depiction of what she assumed to be the first Avatar before her attention was drawn to two Avatars who were actually alive.

Well, not _alive_ alive...

Azula _really_ hated the Spirit World.

One of them was an old, bearded Fire Nation man who Azula assumed to be Roku. Sitting across from him was a young Water Tribe woman, her wild dark brown hair splayed about her head in all directions, one blue eye turned and favoring Azula with an ice-cold stare.

The other eye was closed behind a huge scar that covered half her face. It was like someone had split her face open with a battle-axe.

_I suppose that's Hatsuna. She was supposed to be ugly as sin._

"So you're finally here, eh?" Hatsuna drawled. "Welcome to the Spirit World, new Avatar. Sorry there ain't no welcome party."

Hatsuna wasn't even pretending to be happy to see her. Well, it was only natural; after all, she had spent her life fighting the Fire Nation, and was killed by Azula’s own great-grandfather.

Not that it mattered what some barbarian thought, of course.

Azula was much more interested in Roku. Years ago Father— _Ozai_ —had told her about him and his betrayal, followed by a spirited speech arguing that the Fire Nation's honor proved its cultural superiority. Now that Azula was the Avatar and Ozai had betrayed _her_ , she was willing to re-evaluate her opinions on the previous Fire Nation Avatar.

"So, why did Air Nomad Kid bring me here?" she asked Roku.

"It's Aang!" Aang told her cheerfully. Azula ignored him.

Roku looked at her levelly, his face betraying no emotion. "We are here to talk about you, and how to win the war."

Azula nodded and sat down. "By the way, shouldn't the guy who was Avatar before me be here?"

A very loud snort drew Azula's attention and she saw Hatsuna looking away, her face stitched with loathing. "That damn coward didn't care enough about the world to even bother sticking around to see how it turned out,” Hatsuna said. Then she spat.

Confused, Azula looked back at Roku, who spoke levelly again. "Most people who die do not end up in the Spirit World, Azula. Avatars typically do, in order to advise their successor on all matters concerning spirits. This is because, while mediating between the Material and Spirit Worlds is usually the Avatar's main duty, there are precious few people who can teach them how to do it. After relating all they know, they move on.

"However, sometimes, if a person is weighed down by regrets and attachments to the world, their spirit does end up here, often in quite a pitiable state." Roku's voice barely faltered at that part, but he overcame it and continued without pausing. "But for various reasons, when an Avatar laden with guilt and regret dies, we inhabit the Spirit World in a form quite similar to how we were when we died. Normally the next Avatar is able to fix whichever problems we couldn't, allowing us to move on. As you well know, though, we do not live in normal times."

"I was Shen's Spirit Adviser," Hatsuna spoke up. "Every time I talked with him, he came up with a new bullshit excuse for why he had to keep his stupid ass in Ba Sing Se. Then he dies, and what does he say?" Hatsuna made her voice high-pitched and said, "It seems like the next Avatar won't be lacking for Spirit Advisers, so I'm moving on." She spat again, the saliva landing distressingly close to Azula.

Roku cleared his throat. "Shen’s hands were full dealing with internal Earth Kingdom issues, and Azulon had many assassins waiting for him to leave the city. If he had died, then—"

"And stop defending him, you fire asshole!" Hatsuna roared. "No matter what he said, he was a _coward_ , and you know it! The fact that he didn't stay here is proof enough!"

Hatsuna glared at Roku, Roku stared at her, and Aang made feeble attempts to calm them down. Azula rested her chin in her palms, trying her best to keep her expression neutral.

_This Spirit World adventure is going to be_ so _productive, I can already tell._

* * *

Eventually conversation resumed, and it actually went better than Azula had expected. They didn't talk much about the Material World's political situation; mostly it revolved around strategies to help her master the elements and general moral/spiritual advice. Azula discarded the latter as worthless, but took the former to heart.

Then she started taking lessons from Aang in airbending.

As Azula found out quickly, it was impossible to bend in the Spirit World (she asked how his bison could still fly, then cut him off when he started giving a speech about essences and subjectivity and similar nonsense). Which meant he mostly just showed her the movements, accompanied with prattling about the Air Nomads' stupid philosophy.

"Airbending is a defensive art," he said as they practiced a kata that would, supposedly, blow an enemy away. "The Air Nomads practiced nonviolence—they refused to harm anything, even insects. That was how they obtained happiness."

Or: "A master airbender matches his movements to his opponent's. Ultimately, you have to realize that everything is one and give yourself up to the world. By doing that, you achieve enlightenment."

Or: "The Air Nomads lived in monasteries to be free from the world. They saw airbending as an extension of their meditation, to separate themselves even further from the world of desires."

One time, Azula finally lost her patience and asked him how the Air Nomads could be “free” if they never did anything they wanted to. He just blinked, then said, "Freedom isn't about following your desires. It's the opposite. It's resisting your desires, separating yourself from the natural world to escape the cycle of reincarnation."

It was really stupid. Firebenders didn't insist on lecturing you about abstract meaningless pointless speculations on the nature of reality. They didn't spout off about nonviolence while practicing something whose only use was killing an enemy. And they _definitely_ didn't give sanctimonious speeches about “desire” and “freedom.” They focused on the apparently radical method of teaching you _how to bend_.

Besides, just how was Azula supposed to be _free_ when her entire life was determined by forces she couldn't control?

But she kept her mouth shut. She wasn't even allowed to learn waterbending before she at least got the basics of airbending down, and offending Aang would definitely be really stupid.

She still hated him, though.

* * *

Soon enough, Roku, Hatsuna, and Aang agreed that Azula should return.

"There's only so much you can do without actually trying out the forms," Aang told Azula.

"Now that you've been here once, it will be much easier for you to contact us again," Roku added. "There are numerous places in the South Pole that are spiritually charged, and as the Avatar you should be able to find them instinctively. Meditate at one of them and Aang can train you more."

"And if you want to know why some places in the Material World are closer to the Spirit World than others—" Aang began, but was cut off by Hatsuna, to Roku's relief.

"Just train hard and kick the Firelord's ass. Can you do that, Azula?" Hatsuna asked, her eye blazing.

Azula was clearly trying to look impassive, but Roku could see the hatred and determination in her face. "Yes."

As Aang took off on Appa with Azula to return her to her body, Hastuna spoke up. "We’re in deep shit."

Roku opened his mouth, paused, then said, "Admittedly, she is not the ideal—"

"She wants to rule the world in her father's place," Hatsuna interrupted. "Although in her current state, she'd probably be happy with burning it to the ground. I almost think the prospect of her as Avatar is worse than the Fire Nation winning the war."

"You don't mean that."

"I said _almost_. But…" Hatsuna sighed and lay down on her back. "At least she really wants to kill the Firelord. So she's better than Shen, I suppose."

Roku didn’t respond.

* * *

When Azula returned to her body, Iroh and Kanna were there to ask her what had happened.

_"Kick the Firelord’s ass."_ For some reason, that was the first memory that surfaced. It linked to another: _Ty Lee broke the hug, and her smile turned into a grin. “Now kick his butt!”_

_Don’t be stupid,_ she berated. _Of course I’m going to kill Ozai. What else could I possibly want?_

Anyway, there was no reason to lie to the two honored elders, but there was also no reason to relate every last detail. After she shared enough to satisfy them, they left her alone to train her airbending.

The first day, she couldn't do it at all. But that was understandable; her only sifu was an empty-headed spirit, after all. Getting the hang of a new bending art based only on memories of stances would take time.

After a week filled with nothing but failure, she started to get worried. Even with Katara as a teacher, she had managed basic waterbending in only a few hours.

She soon devoted almost her entire life to airbending. She went over the forms Aang had shown her again and again, for hours at a time.

It didn't work. The air wouldn't respond to her at all.

She couldn't _control_ the air at all.

* * *

Zuko stared at the deck of the warship, trying not to think about the past. As always, he didn't succeed.

When his sister had revealed to the world that she was the Avatar, Zuko wasn't entirely sure what to think. He didn't like her, for many reasons, but he _did_ know that she would never betray the Fire Nation even if she was the Avatar. Whenever Zuko thought about the way Father treated her, especially some of the rumors he heard nobles whispering about from time to time, he became unsettled.

And then Uncle Iroh, who had always been very kind, betrayed his country and disappeared, taking Azula with him. Zuko missed him a lot.

On the other hand, with his sister gone, Father started spending much more time with him—training him in firebending, teaching him about politics, even just eating dinner and enjoying conversation with him. It was the fulfillment of all of Zuko's dreams.

Even if the training always left him in pain, the teaching always felt a little wrong, and Father always seemed to be wearing a mask when they talked. As long as Father was proud of him, none of that mattered.

Then a few weeks ago, about three months after Uncle left, Father ordered him to join the Fire Nation army as a regular soldier, “to learn what war is like first-hand.” Soon afterward came his announcement about seeking a new wife.

The gossip was the same everywhere: Zuko was a failure. Father was trying to get him out of the way for whatever child he had next.

_No! That’s wrong!_ Those people didn’t understand anything. Father wasn't getting rid of him, Father was _testing_ him. Sending him to the South Pole, where everyone knew Azu—the Avatar was, was proof enough. Father had already promised a noble title to anyone who brought the Avatar back alive. If Zuko could do that, he knew he would prove his worth and Father would accept him.

Everyone else had abandoned him. Only Father was left. Zuko would _not_ disappoint him.

* * *

Katara fidgeted as the silence continued.

A week ago, Azula demanded that Kalu break her limbs again. Practically the entire tribe gathered to listen to the screaming match that followed. Azula had been failing to airbend for a month, and argued that it was because her limbs weren’t healing correctly. Kalu said it was too soon to judge for sure, and everyone else—Father, Gran-Gran, the Dragon of the West—sided with him. Azula then refused to practice any airbending until they did what she wanted. The argument didn’t last long after that.

Katara was unsure what she felt as she looked at Azula, who was lying in her bed without saying anything. No, that was wrong. She knew what she felt, it was just a bad thing. She felt... _relieved_. Because when she was like this, with all her limbs broken, Azula made sense.

“You don’t have to be here all the time, you know.”

Katara blinked. Azula had interrupted her thinking, and it took a bit to understand what she just said. “Do you...want me to leave?”

After a few seconds, Azula said, “No. But it must be boring for you to just sit there and watch me.”

“I guess it is, a little. But...” For some reason she couldn’t look at Azula, so Katara looked at the wall instead. “I don’t want you to be alone.”

Azula chuckled softly. Katara glanced at her, then flinched back. Azula was sitting up facing her, and there wasn’t anything covering her eyes...eye sockets.

Katara groped for words but couldn’t find any. Eventually she managed, “If you want me to leave, I’ll leave.”

She looked up, willing herself not to flinch back again. She mostly succeeded. Azula sighed, then lay back down on the bed. “Sorry,” Azula said. “Being like this again isn’t exactly fun. I guess I was taking it out on you.”

Smiling, Katara walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. “It’s okay, I get it.” She stuck her hand out, then hesitated, unsure where to put it. She settled on Azula’s hip. “Just let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“If I need anything. Yeah.” Azula’s tone was odd, but Katara couldn’t quite figure out how. The only image that came to mind was of water slowly sloshing around in a jar.

Her thought earlier was wrong. Azula didn’t actually make sense right now.

* * *

Zuko shivered and gripped his coat tighter.

“Not used to being cold, my prince?”

He turned to glare at the soldier trudging in the snow next to him. The boy just smiled.

None of the other soldiers in Zuko’s battalion treated him with the respect a prince deserved. Like most of the people back home, they were under the impression that Father had already disinherited him. It made him seethe with shame, but there was nothing he could do—waving around his title made them treat him even worse. This one in particular, Kei Lo, had been constantly hostile to Zuko from the day they met.

Which made this scouting mission the two of them were ordered on loads of fun. “Because you’re the two youngest,” Colonel Chang had said, though Zuko knew the real reason was to make him suffer more.

It didn’t matter, though. Nothing mattered except capturing the Avatar.

“I guess it must always be warm in the Imperial Palace, huh?” Kei Lo said.

Zuko remained silent. He had learned quickly that responding only made it worse.

“Ah, I see, the noble Prince Zuko won’t deign to favor a mere commoner like myself with—”

Kei Lo stopped talking and looked down. Zuko followed his gaze and saw that the snow they were walking on had been bent up, freezing Kei Lo’s feet in place. Zuko suddenly became aware of a numb feeling in his own feet. Their eyes met briefly.

Looking around wildly, Zuko drew his broadswords and bent a wave of fire at a barrage of ice blades he glimpsed out of the corner of his eye. He felt a few collide with his armor but none broke his skin. He raised one sword, shouted, and smashed the ice surrounding his feet.

He glanced at Kei Lo, and a chill shot through his spine. Kei Lo’s feet were still frozen in place and a blanket of ice covered half his body. He looked at Zuko with wild eyes.

Zuko felt a flash of anger. This was _his_ first life-and-death fight too, but he was functional; Kei Lo had no excuse for being so useless. Using that anger as fuel, Zuko broke the ice surrounding Kei Lo’s feet and dove on top of him, running his hand over the ice to melt it. Kei Lo shivered severely under him.

_Procedures for responding to a waterbender ambush_ , Zuko thought as a huge mound of snow smashed on top of him. He radiated heat to melt some of it. _First, send a signal._ Zuko shot a fireball into the air as he stood up through the snow, dragging Kei Lo to his feet as well. “Second, keep moving,” he spoke aloud and started running. He held onto Kei Lo’s hand for the first few steps, but Kei Lo found his own feet after that and started running on his own.

_Third, keep them on their toes._ Another mound of snow was flying at them—an anti-firebender tactic, Zuko remembered, harder to melt than ice. He swept his swords up and split the snow with a lance of fire; the two halves crashed down on each side of him. He sent a volley of flames in the direction the snow had come from.

Then two piles of snow were thrown at him from different directions. Zuko dodged one (pulling Kei Lo along with him) and melted the other, but as he moved he remembered the basic challenge of the South. The enemy could control the terrain, which meant they were more mobile and had more avenues of attack. In other words, he had no idea where the waterbender was, but the waterbender always knew exactly where _he_ was.

By contrast, Zuko’s advantage was…

He stopped running and looked at Kei Lo behind him. Kei Lo, for some reason, stopped too. They stared at each other in silence again, and then the snow moved beneath his feet. Zuko took the chance to dive at Kei Lo, sending them both tumbling into the ground, and he felt a huge mass of snow land on top of them.

Zuko was shivering so hard that he couldn’t open his mouth to speak. He didn’t know what he would say anyway. So he wordlessly put his swords into Kei Lo’s hands and moved his fingers so Kei Lo was gripping them.

Their faces were so close they were almost touching. Kei Lo looked terrified. Zuko may have been too, he couldn’t quite tell.

_Please understand,_ he thought. As he did so, his body automatically performed the breathing exercises that had been drilled into him since he could walk. Heat spread through his veins until it almost burned his skin. Then, screaming himself hoarse, he let it loose in an explosion of fire that scattered the snow piled on top of them.

Kei Lo stood up. Zuko stayed on the ground. Once more, they stared at each other silently. Then Kei Lo turned around and ran, still gripping the swords. Zuko remained on his stomach and slowly lifted his head up, careful to remain out of sight, and tried to think like Azula.

Waterbenders couldn’t attack from _anywhere_ , and they couldn’t completely hide themselves either. He had a general sense of the enemy’s location and focused on it. Soon enough he saw snow shift and caught a glimpse of two figures dressed in blue parkas. Thinking that Kei Lo was the firebender since he had the swords, they were keeping out of _Kei Lo’s_ line of sight and were completely ignoring Zuko himself.

Zuko shifted to a crouch, then hesitated. _Think like Azula_. He stared at them and waited...waited...finally, the snow shifted more and he saw their heads, just as they sent a veritable tsunami of snow at Kei Lo.

Right as they did, Zuko leaped and sent a barrage of flames in their direction. Their reactions were slow; all they could do was defend as Zuko charged at them, sending volley after volley of fire their way. _Fourth, suppress them with overwhelming force_ , he thought. _And fifth—_

A wall of snow rose in front of him, but it was too slow. Zuko jumped, grabbed the top of it, and pulled himself up with a single heave. He carried the momentum forward to lunge off the wall, dove at one waterbender, and kicked her in the head.

Zuko landed and turned around. The other waterbender had a water whip at the ready, but he hesitated. Zuko used the opportunity to send twin fireballs at him. He blocked one, but not the other. The waterbender screamed and fell to the ground.

Zuko watched as the waterbender grasped at snow and pressed it to his face. He stood over him watching, saying nothing.

This was a life-or-death battle, he knew. If he hadn’t done this, he and Kei Lo would’ve been captured or killed, he knew. Still. The waterbender was Zuko’s age, maybe even a little younger.

“You can leave,” he said. “I won’t follow.”

After a few seconds, the waterbender stood up, facing away. Then he moved his foot quickly. The snow under Zuko shifted, and before he could react he was falling, the waterbender turned, formed ice knives between his hands, and—collapsed, landing right on top of Zuko.

Mind hazy, Zuko shoved the waterbender off and sat up. Kei Lo stood there shivering, still looking terrified, holding out Zuko’s broadswords. They were dripping with blood.

* * *

“So how’s your airbending going, little Avatar?”

Azula grit her teeth as Kalu pressed down on her back. He knew very well that she was still failing miserably, even after her limbs got healed the second time. He was gloating that he was right and she was wrong. But she had to put up with him, because he was the best healer in the tribe. It was intensely irritating. “Still working on it,” she said.

As always, Kalu started humming. “What do you think the problem is?”

“How should I know? I’m not an airbender. That’s the entire problem.”

“You visited the Spirit World again a few days ago, yes? What did your sifu say then?”

Aang’s voice filled her mind. _“Hmmm. That’s strange. I’m sure I related the Air Nomads’ philosophy accurately...”_

“Nothing useful,” she told Kalu.

“Oh! Then it’s not your fault, is it little Avatar?” He moved on to her legs. “If you have a bad teacher, you can’t expect to get it right away.”

As Kalu’s hands moved over her skin, some minor aches and pains she didn’t even know she had melted away. Still, she was annoyed. “Why does it feel like you’re making fun of me?”

“Probably because I am.”

Kalu chuckled. The worst part was she had walked right into that so she couldn’t even object. So she didn’t say anything, blessedly neither did Kalu, and the igloo was silent for the next few minutes except for Kalu’s humming.

Nobody treated Azula like a princess here. Well, maybe that was natural; after all, she wasn’t really a princess anymore. But they didn’t treat her like an Avatar either—at least, they didn’t treat her with respect and obey her orders, which was what people were _supposed_ to do with Avatars, right?

On the other hand, Azula didn’t really know what an Avatar was supposed to _do_. Even her “Spirit Advisers” were mostly focused on getting her in a position to kill the Firelord. To be sure, that’s what she wanted to do too. But she didn’t want to just be a _weapon_ , wielded by her uncle and the southern barbarians. What she _wanted_ was...

“Okay, all done! Physically speaking there’s nothing significantly wrong with you, little Avatar.”

She didn’t miss the barb— _physically_ speaking indeed—but it didn’t matter. Her thought process was going nowhere anyway. She uttered a perfunctory thanks and left the igloo.

Back to airbending practice.

* * *

A blast of fire from the left. Blocked with a sword.

Another from the right. Zuko cut it in half with his other sword.

Heat from behind. Zuko jumped over it backward, using the surprise to sweep a wall of flame at his attacker. Without even bothering to look at the result, he turned to his second opponent and delivered a savage barrage of fire, not letting up until he saw the surrender signal.

The exhausted fire nation soldier ran up to him while panting. "I didn't recognize the kata you just used, _Prince_ Zuko," she said.

Zuko glared at her and sheathed his broadswords. "That was no kata. It was just an attack." He looked back at his other ‘training partner,’ who was lying on the ground covered with melting snow. Probably Zuko’s attack set his clothes on fire and he rolled around in the snow to put it out.

Not unlike that young waterbender.

Zuko decided he didn’t want to be around people anymore and walked off in silence. Behind him the soldier said, loud enough for him to hear, “Bastard. Lower than a bastard, even.” He found an empty stretch of snow and started practicing by himself.

A few hours later, just as the sun started to set, he heard the sound of boots crunching snow. Turning around he saw the one person he didn’t currently feel like yelling at.

Kei Lo held out a cup of tea, steam still floating above it. He held another in his other hand. Zuko took the offering gratefully and the two of them sat on the ground to drink.

Kei Lo was the one who broke the silence. “So they killed them.”

“Not a surprise,” Zuko said without emotion. “The waterbenders were refusing to give us any information, and we don’t exactly have the leeway to keep prisoners.”

“They killed them,” Kei Lo repeated, staring down at his empty cup.

Zuko didn’t say anything.

“I...” Kei Lo stopped, took a deep breath, let it out, then continued. “I wasn’t drafted. I volunteered.” He turned to Zuko with a wide-eyed expression. “I’m an orphan, you know. Didn’t have a job, didn’t really have any friends. Didn’t have anything, really. So I thought, let’s try joining the army. They’re happy with pretty much anyone at this point, apparently, and I thought it would be an...” He chuckled. “An adventure.”

Again, Zuko didn’t say anything. This time he wanted to. He just couldn’t think of anything _to_ say.

“Everyone says you were disowned by your father,” Kei Lo eventually said. “Is that true?”

Zuko looked down, staring at the few remaining drops of tea in his cup. In this light they kind of looked like blood. “No. This is a test, to see if I can capture the Avatar.”

“So that’s why you’re here, huh?”

The execution from this morning entered his head again. The two waterbenders were forced to kneel and were beheaded in turn. Except this time, right before he was beheaded, the younger waterbender became Azula.

Zuko said, “Yeah.”

* * *

"So."

"Yeah."

In another of her brilliant moves, Katara's mother had decided that Azula and her son weren't interacting enough (their relationship being generally limited to one-word semi-grunts). She also seemed to think that Azula's gradually worsening disposition was due to her increasing withdrawal from human contact, instead of the fact that she _couldn't bend air_.

Thus, Azula accompanying the boy on his afternoon adventure.

"This is really exciting."

"Don't I know it."

Which was hunting. A typically enjoyable activity made less so by the fact that here, it involved trudging through snow for an hour, spending five minutes setting up a trap, then waiting around for two hours and counting. Again, in the snow.

Azula _really_ hated Water Tribe savages.

"Why are you doing this again?"

"To prove I'm a man."

Azula snorted. "So what, you're a man in the Water Tribe if you can survive being unbearably cold and bored for a day?"

"Hey, I don't make fun of your stupid customs, you don't make fun of mine."

" _Stupid customs_! Like what?"

"I hear you guys kill yourselves to 'regain your honor'."

"I will have you know we stopped doing that over a century—"

"So you admit it was stupid, then?"

Azula _really_ wished she could glare at that precise moment.

* * *

He walked in the middle of a snowstorm, his pace slow but constant, bundled up inside multiple coats. Wind and slush swirled around him; snow caked every surface of his clothing before falling off in chunks. Still, he kept walking forward.

Whether because of the snowstorm or because he was lost in thought, he didn’t notice as Zuko walked up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder.

Kei Lo whipped around and drew a sword, but he was slow and clumsy. Zuko hit his wrist and the sword fell to the ground.

They stared at each other in silence for a few seconds. It reminded Zuko of that battle they had fought together, months before. Then Kei Lo’s face broke out into an awkward grin. “So. You noticed.” He almost had to scream to be heard over the storm, which was uncomfortably close to being a blizzard.

“You’re deserting,” Zuko said, though again it was almost a shout.

Kei Lo spread his arms. “Lots of people do it, right? The Water Tribes are supposed to treat prisoners well. Sometimes they even accept deserters into their tribe, I hear.”

“That’s just a rumor.”

“Sure. But anything’s better than _this_. I...” He looked down at his hands, then at his fallen sword, which the snow was steadily burying. Then he looked at Zuko with a very _intense_ expression.

_Please understand_ , he was trying to say. Maybe. Probably.

Images filled Zuko’s mind, vivid enough that they were almost real. Paths he could take. He could capture Kei Lo easily, drag him back to camp. The other soldiers would respect him more if he caught a deserter. Colonel Chang might give him some mission assignments he actually wanted, assignments that would take him into the territory of the Ice Wolf, where the Avatar was.

Or...he could let Kei Lo go.

He remembered, once more, the waterbenders’ execution. He knew very well the army was not any kinder to deserters.

Zuko looked at Kei Lo one last time, then slowly turned around. “I noticed Kei Lo was missing, but when I went out to look he was already gone.”

After a pause, he heard some sounds behind him—probably Kei Lo picking his sword back up—and then footsteps leading away.

Not sure what he felt at that moment, Zuko started walking away too, until he heard Kei Lo shout behind him.

“You should come with me!”

Zuko didn’t respond. He just kept on walking.

* * *

Thirteen.

Azula breathed in, moved her hands together, breathed out, and slashed the air.

_Father moved his hands from behind his back, revealing the present. “This is the scroll I studied when I first learned firebending,” he said. “Happy birthday, my dear daughter.” Azula almost squealed—_ almost— _and hugged him._

Azula breathed in, focused all her attention on her mouth, and breathed out, trying to create a cone of wind.

“ _Happy birthday!” they all shouted in unison. Father, Ty Lee, Mai, her favorite servants, even Zuko annoyed her less than normal. For once Azula wasn’t in complete control of her_ _expressions_ _, and a smile broke out that she couldn’t suppress._

Azula breathed in, and thrust her palm forward while exhaling. She did it again, and again, each time imagining a gust of wind with all her might.

_Mother pressed an object into her hand. Looking, she saw an elegant comb made of onyx, inlaid with pink sakura blossoms. “Happy birthday,” she said, and embraced Azula in a tight hug. “I love you.” And for once, Azula believed her._

Azula breathed in, breathed out, and swung her leg in an arc. But only fire erupted from it. She screamed in frustration.

One year and nine months of failure.

_She heard someone enter her room. “Azula—”_

“ _Go away!” she screamed._

_The other person stammered. “But—”_

_All Azula could think about was her father’s fist, covered in flame,_ _charging_ _at her face. “I_ said _go away! I want everyone to_ leave me alone _!” She tore off her eye covering and looked directly at the other person._

_Finally that person, who seemed to be Iroh, said, “I understand. I’m sorry.” And finally, belatedly, he left._

_Azula turned around and kicked at her bed. Her foot met something hard. It hurt, a lot, and it wasn’t even a distraction._

“ _Happy birthday,” she muttered._

At least those morons were capable of learning a lesson. Nobody bothered her this year.

* * *

Zuko wondered every day if he made the right decision with Kei Lo. Everyone in the camp was suspicious of him since he had been friends with the deserter. He was getting the most dangerous scouting assignments now, and had narrowly dodged capture or death several times. But it ended up not mattering.

One day a fellow soldier had been by herself, tending to personal matters, when she happened to notice a water barbarian out of the corner of her eye. She followed him to a large collection of igloos that was extremely well-hidden inside a valley. After confirming the presence of elders and children, she made her way back to the rest of them to report.

They spent an hour getting ready, then trudged toward the location. With such a large opportunity looming before them, Colonel Chang couldn’t justify leaving Zuko behind. Besides, they were all elated with the possibility of finally being able to leave this hell on earth, not to mention the riches they would surely receive after capturing the Avatar.

And then they were attacked before they got within a hundred _shaku_ of the place.

They were surprised at first, but after a few minutes of fighting, it became clear that the savages had miscalculated. This was obviously a trap, but they seemed to have underestimated the size of the Fire Nation army, their combat prowess, or both. Zuko in particular, who had spent all his free time training since he got here, managed to take out five waterbenders by himself. Soon the savages were retreating, and they were back on track toward Hakoda's main base.

The raid was brutal. Fire Nation soldiers not only burned down igloos and enemy warriors, they were also killing the old and the young. Whenever Zuko saw that he forced his head to turn, willed the screaming to leave his ears.

_I need to capture the Avatar._

He rushed toward the largest structure, right alongside more than a dozen Fire Nation soldiers. In their way was the Ice Witch.

The others started fighting her. Zuko knew better. There was no way Azula would just be sitting in that igloo waiting for death. She'd have either joined the fight or tried to escape, and it didn’t seem to be the former.

So Zuko broke off and started running in the direction that would take him out of this valley the fastest, which he figured was probably the route Azula took.

Not even a minute passed before Zuko saw a flash of blue. He was so surprised he barely ducked in time to avoid a blazing azure fireball.

He looked up and felt a violent storm of emotion. He decided to focus on the anger.

"Azula!"

* * *

As soon as Hakoda realized he had screwed up with the Fire Nation raiding party, he ordered Iroh to take Azula away while he and Hama guarded their retreat.

Iroh grabbed her, but Azula struggled free and demanded to escape on her own two legs. Iroh had already learned not to argue with her and acquiesced. He ran away and ordered her to follow.

She did that for a few minutes; then, when she figured Iroh's attention was getting lax, she ran the other way, back to camp.

She knew very well it was insane. She was blind and still not in peak form. But she had just spent more than a year and a half failing to master the powers that lay within her, and she was determined to get back _some_ control. And if beating Fire Nation soldiers was the only way to do that, then that's the way it had to be.

At least she had become much more adept at perceiving her surroundings through her other four senses since becoming blind, and soon she heard footsteps rushing toward her. Choosing to assume they were from an enemy, she launched a fireball at whoever it was.

Half a second later, she heard a voice call, "Azula!" A voice she recognized.

She felt a whirl of emotions, then dodged instinctively when she sensed heat in front of her. A bolt of flame grazed her cheek. "Zuzu?" she called out, still not quite believing it.

"Turn yourself in and I won't hurt you," Zuko said.

Now _that_ produced a very clear, comforting emotion: indignation. "You think you can take me?" she laughed, and launched a barrage of fire at his location.

After a second, she heard a sound to her right. Turning, she barely managed to deflect another fire blast aimed right at her. She was about to retaliate, then paused, realizing she wasn't sure if he had moved again or not—then barely deflected another fire blast.

She was sweating now. She _knew_ she was better than Zuko, but there was too much ambient noise and distracting clutter for her to hear him well. So many sounds were assaulting her from so many directions, she could barely even guess where Zuko was at any one moment. And even when she could attack him, without knowing what the result was immediately she was unable to follow it up, which essentially let Zuko block and attack at his leisure.

Desperation started rising within her, alongside intense self-contempt for feeling desperation against _Zuko_ of all people. She started casting attacks around wildly, but that only made it even more impossible to hear where Zuko was. Her deflections increasingly turned into blocks, which increasingly turned into semi-blocks, and she wasn't even counterattacking at all anymore, and the shame was so great it was like lead in her veins—

Then she felt something crash into her chest and was knocked into an igloo, hitting her head hard against the ice.

_I hate you_ , she thought at everything, especially herself. Then she lost consciousness.

* * *

Zuko looked at his sister’s unmoving body and lowered the leg he used to kick her. He could barely believe what he was seeing.

_I did it…I actually beat Azula!_

But something was seriously wrong. She was _weaker_ than he remembered, despite being two years older. In a slight daze, he walked over to Azula and turned her body face-up.

Then he saw her face, shouted, and stumbled back, falling hard onto the snow.

He had heard rumors about this, yes, but he had never—

_Father had no choice. She was the Avatar_ , he began to tell himself, when he heard someone gasp.

His head snapped up, only to catch a fist that rammed into his face.

Then he saw black.

* * *

When Zuko woke up, he saw white, which surprised him. It took him a few seconds to realize that it was probably the top of an igloo.

Groaning, he sat up, only to see a sight that was even more surprising. "Uncle?"

Uncle, seated at his bedside, nodded grimly. "It's been a long time, Zuko."

Zuko blinked. He knew that there was probably a good explanation for this, but his brain wasn't quite able to provide it yet. So he asked, "What are you doing with the Water Tribe?"

"I am aiding your sister," he responded immediately.

When he first saw Uncle again, Zuko's stomach had begun to twist. But now he felt a flash of anger, which he clung to. "You're aiding the Avatar!"

"That is _why_ I am aiding your sister," Uncle said emotionlessly.

" _You're a traitor_!" he screamed.

"And I saved your life."

"You—" Zuko began, than stammered. "You what?" he eventually managed to choke out.

"The Water Tribe normally treats its prisoners well. Not this time, however. Not after this raid, when you killed their parents and children. I had to use my personal influence to convince them to spare you, and they only agreed because you are so young. Nevertheless, you do owe me your life, my nephew."

Zuko blanched and inadvertently scooted back. He had always known Uncle as a gentle, easy-going man. In his memories Uncle always had a large grin on his face or laughter on his lips. Now he could see no joy, only determination.

After a minute, Zuko mumbled, "What do you want from me?"

"For now? To come with me." Startled, Zuko didn't resist as Uncle grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the small room. "Hakoda didn't like my proposal for where to keep you, but I managed to convince him that it would be safer if I kept both of you close to me."

"What are you—" Zuko began, then stopped when Uncle shoved him into another small room.

There was a bed there too. His sister was sleeping on it.

With grim fascination, he stared into the empty spaces where her eyes used to be.

"That wasn't all my brother did," Uncle said after a few seconds. "He broke all her limbs, too. Left her unable to see or move for more than two months. If he had had his way, she'd have been in that state the rest of her life."

Zuko started shivering. He gulped and leaned against the wall in an attempt to steady himself. It didn't work. "What do you want from me?" he repeated weakly.

Uncle walked to a chest, from which he drew out one of Zuko's broadswords.

"Here," he said, shoving the sword into Zuko's hand. It was all he could do not to drop it. "Use this to cut off her arms."

Now he _did_ drop the sword. "What!" he shouted.

Calmly, Uncle bent down and picked up the dropped sword. "If you cut off her arms, it will be impossible for her to learn any bending. That would be very beneficial to your father, wouldn't it?" His calm voice started breaking now, becoming bitter and sarcastic. "I'm sure he'd be quite _proud_ of you." Uncle handed the sword back to him.

Zuko looked down at his sword, the steel reflecting his face. He looked at Uncle, who folded his arms and displayed only contempt. Then he looked at his sister, the Avatar, who seemed so small and fragile at that moment.

He thought of Kei Lo. _“You should come with me!”_

His shoulders shook. Tears dripped from his eyes. He tried to say something, though he didn't know what, but a lump in his throat blocked out all words.

Zuko finally looked at his uncle, the only person aside from his mother who had ever felt like family. He felt like he was being torn in half. "Uncle, I..." he croaked, "I don't..."

Uncle's expression softened, he extended his arms, and Zuko dropped the sword and ran into his embrace.

* * *

It took a few seconds for Azula to figure out she had regained consciousness. Even two years later, she wasn’t used to being blind.

She slowly sat up, and memories started to rise like smoke. The long, miserable trip to the South Pole. The slow, grueling journey to the frozen forest. The many, many fruitless attempts to airbend.

The months she had spent in prison, unable to see, unable to move, all her dreams crushed with nothing to hold onto except hatred for her father.

Losing to Zuko.

Father’s smiling face, right before he betrayed her.

_I_ _f I_ _could cry, would I be crying right now?_ she wondered.

"How are you, Azula?" she heard Iroh ask.

She let some time pass. Then she said, "Leave me alone."

After a second, she heard Iroh stand up and walk out of the room.

* * *

**End of Part 3**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. The last chapter will be posted on Friday. I still intend to start the sequel on Saturday.
> 
> A shaku is another old Japanese unit of measurement. Wikipedia says it's equal to about 11.93 inches.
> 
> Kei Lo is taken from the comics. I did say I might use some elements from them, even though the comics as a whole are still considered non-canon for the purposes of this fic.


	4. Part 4

**Part 4**

* * *

Iroh knew it would be hard to convince his Water Tribe hosts to let Zuko stay with them. He had built up a lot of good will with them over the years, but what to do with the Firelord’s son was almost as important as what to do with the Avatar, and they wouldn’t let him decide it all by himself.

Or at least, that’s what he assumed.

But everyone knew Ozai had done everything short of disowning the boy, and certainly had no intention of letting him succeed the throne. Even Zuko knew that. Had known that. He just only recently was willing to admit it.

Hama still wanted to kill him, of course, but Hakoda and Kanna were willing to listen to Iroh. So he told them his plan.

After they defeat Ozai, someone would have to take the throne or the Fire Nation would fall into anarchy. Azula couldn’t do it: she was the Avatar, and the Avatar could not directly involve themselves in politics like that. Iroh himself refused to do it. He didn’t want the job, and he didn’t want the war to appear like a palace coup. Besides, he probably wouldn’t be accepted anyway; most still respected his father’s supposed last wishes.

They could install someone unrelated to Ozai. However, the Fire Nation royal bloodline was unbroken since the country’s founding; the general populace would not be willing to bow to someone who was not descended from the sun spirit Amaterasu.

Which left Zuko.

Kanna and Hakoda agreed to let Iroh try his hand at taking care of the boy. Hama bit her lip and went along.

* * *

Aang shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know what to tell you, Azula.”

Azula looked down at her body. Looking at her body from the outside like this had disturbed her originally. Now, though, she didn’t really feel anything.

“I’m really sorry,” Aang went on. “I don’t know why it’s not working.”

Originally she had been really annoyed by Aang. Now, though, looking at him, she didn’t really feel anything.

“All I can say is keep trying,” he finished.

Sure, she had been failing for almost two years. But keep trying. Maybe it’ll work this time.

“If that’s all you have to say,” Azula said, speaking slowly, “then I suppose there’s no reason for me to come back here until I start bending air.”

“...If that’s what you think is best, Azula.”

_But it doesn’t really matter what I think, does it?_

* * *

As usual, Kalu was humming as he checked Azula’s condition. Even now, years later, Iroh still insisted on giving her regular check-ups.

And Kalu _still_ insisted on engaging her in pointless conversation.

“You’ve been withdrawing yourself even more lately, little Avatar.”

Like that.

“I can’t airbend yet, in case you haven’t noticed. Chatting isn’t going to help with that.”

“You sure? I don’t think the Air Nomads were all shut-ins.”

“Shows what you know. They lived in those temples in order to escape from the world.”

Kalu started humming _again_. “I suppose I’ll have to defer to your expertise, little Avatar.”

Azula grunted. Despite his words, Kalu spoke up again soon.

“Your brother’s an interesting fellow. He barely talks, like you, but it seems to be for a different reason. Do you have any insights on this matter?”

Azula snorted. “Zuko’s always been a loser. Don’t expect me to understand the way his brain works.”

Kalu’s humming somehow got even louder. “I’m not sure you understand how _anyone’s_ brain works, little Avatar.”

“Wait, what’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

The half-breed laughed and _ruffled her hair_. Azula grabbed his wrist, and he said amicably, “Just that you have trouble looking at the world through other people’s eyes.”

“Why should I?”

“Exactly! Just like that. Well, check-up over. Your body is fine.” He hummed loudly, not letting her get another word in, and left the igloo.

For some reason Azula was even more intensely irritated than she usually was after interacting with the bastard. She went off to practice airbending. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t help.

* * *

After that brutal raid the tribe was forced to move, as the Fire Nation soldiers that escaped would surely relate their location. Ever pragmatic, the tribe left the bodies of their slain comrades behind. They merely held one grand ceremony honoring all the fallen equally, and as before, left one single stone a few hundred _shaku_ from camp to represent all who died.

Whenever Zuko disappeared, Iroh knew he would always be there.

“I wish you would tell me when you want to come here,” Iroh said, standing behind Zuko as his nephew sat staring at the stone.

He didn’t respond.

“Zuko,” Iroh said. “You can’t keep torturing yourself over this. It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t kill any innocents.”

“I helped, though,” Zuko said softly.

“You—”

“I defeated five waterbenders by myself.” His nephew finally turned around. His eyes were watery, his lips trembling. “At the time I was proud of it. But if it hadn’t been for me, less soldiers would’ve made it to the tribe. Less civilians would’ve died.”

“You can’t know that.”

“I do.” Zuko looked down.

“Nephew, if you keep doing this to yourself—”

“Stop lying to me, Uncle!” Zuko yelled, springing to his feet. Tears were flowing down his cheeks now. “I was _proud_! I was proud of our victories! I was proud of _your_ victories! But in the end, they were just about...about this!” He gestured at the stone.

Iroh approached and gently put his hands on Zuko’s shoulders. The boy flinched but didn’t resist. “As a nation, we have done unforgivable things,” he said gently. “But as individuals, we fulfilled our duties with honor. There is pride in that, my nephew.”

Zuko didn’t meet Iroh’s eyes. “I wish I could believe that.”

And as much as he tried to resist it, Iroh couldn’t help but remember Lu Ten, the first night his son had killed. Indeed, Iroh had told Lu Ten much the same thing he just told Zuko.

He looked beyond his nephew, to the single stone that stood for so much.

* * *

“It’s kind of amazing, isn’t it?”

“What do you mean?” Azula grumbled.

“Well,” Katara enthused, combing Azula’s hair, “after all this time, for you to meet your brother again…it’s just really touching, you know?”

“Yup, I’m so incredibly happy that my brother’s back.”

Naturally, Katara missed her sarcasm and continued rattling on. “He’s a lot different from you, though. I mean, you’re always so composed and in control, while he’s...”

“An idiot?”

Katara giggled. “That’s one way to put it, I guess.”

Azula’s stomach throbbed. Zuko had kicked her there. “Can we talk about something else?”

“Sure. Um…how’s airbending—”

Azula clenched her fist. “Not that.”

There was a pause. “Well. Um. Do you want to go somewhere today?”

Azula smiled. “Sure. Let’s see. We can walk around the snow, or wander the ice, or, ooh, I know! We can freeze our butts off in a blizzard!” She raised her voice to a high pitch. “Hm, they’re all _such_ good ideas, I just _can’t_ decide!”

Katara harrumphed. “You don’t have to be so pissy about it, Azula.”

It was funny. Azula was perfectly aware her self-control was slipping, but that didn’t stop it from happening. If her mind was a castle, every shitty thing that happened to her was a trebuchet bolt slamming into it. She had been on the verge of collapse for a while. Katara’s irritating, ignorant, insipid _inanity_ finally made it all give way. “What do you know about _anything_ , you naïve little wench!?” she yelled, kicking Katara away.

Some part of her registered that her leg had been wreathed in flames, and another noted that Katara was gasping and groaning in pain, but Azula was far past caring. “For the past two _years_ , I’ve had to listen to your pointless whining about _nothing_ ,” she growled. “Let me teach you a little something about the world, girl. _I_ am the princess of the Fire Nation, not to mention the Avatar, and _you_ are the spawn of some pissant savage with delusions of grandeur. In a just world you’d be groveling at my feet, _not_ torturing me with brainless blather. From now on, don’t talk to me unless you have something of _value_ to say. Then again, you wouldn’t know value if it pissed in your mouth, so just stay away from me and we’ll both be much happier.”

She gauged where the girl was by her crying, stepped over her, and stomped out of the igloo.

* * *

Later that day, Iroh found her while she was failing to airbend.

“I know what you’re going to say, so shut it, old man,” Azula said. “You droning on about friendship and kindness would make me want to kill myself.”

After a few seconds, Iroh said, “These people are your only allies, Azula.”

“They’re _not_ my allies!” Azula screamed, blasting a fireball into the sky. “They’re the _Avatar’s_ allies!” Azula raised her other fist to unleash another fireball, but Iroh grabbed her wrist before she could.

“You _are_ the Avatar, Azula,” he said, his tone brooking no argument.

Azula argued anyway. “I am _not_! The Avatar is an immortal spirit from Agni-knows-where that infects people whenever its previous host dies and wants _balance_ , whatever that means. _I’m_ an evil bitch who used to be princess of the evil Fire Nation, all I want is to rule the world, and _everybody_ here would kill me if I didn’t happen to be carting around the glorious perfect Avatar spirit!” She turned in the general direction of Iroh and filled her face with as much hatred as she physically could. “And you’d be the first in line, wouldn’t you? Dear Uncle.”

Neither of them spoke.

Eventually Iroh let go of her wrist and walked off. Azula bent over and dry sobbed, hating her body for not being able to cry, hating herself for being such a failure, in so many ways.

* * *

Zuko looked down, took a deep breath, and knocked on the door.

There was no answer. After a few seconds, he shrugged and opened it.

Azula was lying on her bed, as she was doing more and more these days. He briefly wondered what she thought about there, all alone.

“Hey,” he said hesitantly.

No response.

“So,” Zuko said. He gulped. “How’s, um, life going?”

Silence.

“Well, I just came here ‘cause I thought, well… Sokka and I are going hunting today. Would you like to, maybe, come with?”

Haltingly, almost like a doll, Azula raised her head and turned toward him, giving him a nice look at those empty eye sockets. He involuntarily flinched back, and felt some guilty gratitude that she couldn’t see him do it.

“What are you doing?” she asked, very slowly.

Zuko blinked. “Huh?”

“You hate me,” she said, still speaking slowly. “So why are you here?”

Zuko blinked again, going over what she said in his head. “Well,” he said as a placeholder, trying to think, “I don’t hate you, and, I’m worried about you?”

Azula started giggling. Zuko gaped at her, and didn’t react as she said, through the giggles, “You are such a liar. Of course you hate me; I’ve made your life hell for the past seven years. You tried to bring me in chains to Ozai just a few months ago. Damn, Zuzu, did you really think I’d fall for that?” Suddenly she stopped giggling, and her tone turned dark and hateful. “What are you after?”

Zuko gulped again, looked to the side, and tried to mentally steady himself. “Look,” he said, “we’ve never had a good relationship. But I’ve never _hated_ you. And yes, I did try to capture you, but that was when...” pause, breath, “...when I still wanted Father to accept me.”

There was a long silence after that. Zuko dared a glance at Azula, but she was still in the same position, eyes…or where her eyes should have been…fixed directly on him. After a while, she finally responded.

“You really are stupid. You still want Ozai to accept you, you know. It’s just you want Iroh to accept you too, and he happens to be closer right now. All you care about is how others perceive you.”

“That’s not true!” Zuko shouted, all hesitation forgotten. “I heard things, and saw things, when I was with the army for two years! I know the kinds of things the Fire Nation does—my father does—to those he conquers! And…” He looked down again. “I know what it’s like to be the center of Father’s attention. It…it wasn’t what I thought it would be. It was like he was trying to make me into someone I’m not.”

“Can’t blame him,” Azula snorted.

Zuko flushed with anger. “You’re one to talk! I used to be these people’s enemy, but you know what? It’s only been a few months, but I’m already friends with their chief’s son, and they let me wander their grounds with barely a second glance! Do you know what they say about _you_? You’ve been here two years, _and_ you’re the Avatar, but you managed to chase away the one person who was willing to put up with you! So who are _you_ to talk about me like that?”

_This_ silence was much shorter.

“Get out,” Azula said, her voice low.

Zuko complied.

* * *

Roku had been alive (in a manner of speaking) for a very long time. When he first died, he spent twelve years wandering the Spirit World, looking for answers nobody held. Then Aang showed up, spirits came with news about the genocide of the Air Nomads, and he practically drowned in guilt for more than a decade. When Hatsuna first contacted him he was overjoyed. He eventually came to see her as his daughter, which crushed him all the more when she was killed—killed by Sozin, no less. Their relationship was never the same, and after decades of daily arguments about Shen they could barely stand each other anymore.

But nothing he had gone through had quite prepared him for _this_ , this aimless waiting, worried not that his protege would fail but that she wouldn’t even _begin_ , to the extent that for the first time he started wondering if the Avatar Spirit had simply made a mistake. So when Azula showed up again, riding with Aang on Appa, Roku felt so much hope he could barely breathe.

Then he looked at Aang’s expression, and his hope was immediately snuffed out.

After Appa landed, Azula hopped off and immediately stalked toward Roku until she was staring directly at him with that eyeless face.

“I just have one question,” she said. “Is it possible to remove the Avatar spirit from my body?”

Roku looked at Aang, who shrugged helplessly. _I suppose she asked him first_ , Roku thought. Ignoring Hatsuna’s snort, he turned to Azula and did his best to make his face and voice grandfatherly.

“Azula,” he said. “The Avatar spirit isn’t _in_ you. It _is_ you. There is no way to remove it. Even if there were, it would result in your death.”

They looked at each other for several long seconds. Then, for a brief flash, he thought the girl was about to attack him. But just as quickly that feeling passed, and she just nodded. “Understood.” Azula turned around and walked back to Aang. “Take me back to my body, Aang.” With one last sad look at Roku, Aang nodded and took off with the young Avatar on Appa.

“She’s insane.”

Roku looked over at Hatsuna, who was lying down on her back. “Why do you say that?” he asked evenly.

“Because it’s true,” Hatsuna said, with the air of explaining something to a particularly slow child.

Roku kept his manner calm. “You don’t know that—”

“Sure I do, and you do too. If we don’t do something, she really is going to destroy the world.” Hastuna looked at him, and her face was dead serious.

“What do you suggest we do?” Roku asked, choosing his words carefully.

Hatsuna let out a deep, long sigh. “I have no clue,” she grumbled.

Roku turned back, looking at the spot where Appa had been. He wasn’t going to say it in front of her, but in truth, he agreed with Hatsuna.

And like her, he had no idea what to do.

* * *

It happened on an especially cold morning.

Azula didn’t know why it happened. Nothing notable had occurred for at least a week. Sure, she was failing to airbend, but she had been failing to airbend for two years and three months. There really was no reason for it to happen after _that_ failed attempt, on _that_ particular morning. But it did anyway.

The last string holding Azula up finally snapped.

She curled up into a ball. She felt again that overpowering desire to cry, more intense than ever, and without a release it just kept multiplying, roaring through her body like wildfire.

_Dammit, dammit, dammit,_ she cursed, punching the snow-packed ground. _My life is destroyed, my father betrays me, everything I ever wanted goes up in smoke, and I can’t even do what every other Avatar managed to do._ Her mouth moaned in pain. _What the hell does it even mean anyway, “the essence of airbending is freedom”? You keep telling me that, but you never tell me just how I’m supposed to—_

And then it hit her. A stupid, crazy idea that was likely to get her killed.

But she didn’t really care about that last part.

Azula stood up, waited for the shaking to quell, and began to run.

* * *

Of all people, Sokka was the one who first noticed Azula was missing.

* * *

After a while, the cold had seeped into her legs so much that Azula had to stop running. But she _was_ still a firebender, even if she wasn’t anything else, and it would take a long time for the freezing temperature to cause serious problems as long as she was careful.

So she trudged along the wilderness, wind blowing around and against her, heading in the direction of that frozen forest she had visited so long ago.

Honestly, she wasn’t sure exactly why she was doing this. It probably came from all those stupid Air Nomad beliefs Aang had talked about—the essence of airbending is freedom, the Air Nomads separated themselves from the world of desires, in order to airbend you have to give yourself up to the world, all that crap. They had rolled around in Azula’s head, and ultimately her brain spat up “isolate yourself and battle nature.” There was also some half-formed idea that the frozen forest place the old lady had said was really spiritual might help.

Or maybe she just wanted a clear goal again, with the means of accomplishment open to her.

Either way, she was far from any semblance of civilization by the time her rational mind re-asserted itself.

Right when Azula found herself in the middle of a blizzard.

At which point she became very, _very_ afraid.

* * *

Hakoda was still traveling among the tribe’s roving bands to make sure they were in good shape and doing what they were supposed to be doing. So without him, the emergency meeting was left with only Iroh, Zuko, and Kanna—as well as Sokka, who insisted on attending, Kya, who heard about it from Sokka and was apparently quite worried, and Katara, who Iroh didn’t know why she showed up.

Zuko and Sokka quickly volunteered that they had investigated and there were clear footprints showing that Azula had left the camp, apparently willingly. The problem was that the tracks soon led straight into a blizzard, which erased any hopes of tracking her.

“I have no idea why she did this,” Zuko muttered, shaking his head.

“Because she’s crazy,” someone said.

Everyone turned to Katara.

“What?” she said, arms crossed. “She is.”

Kya seemed disturbed. “Katara, I know you two had a falling out—”

“She attacked me! For no reason!” Katara yelled. “And that’s not all—she made it _quite_ clear that she was only pretending to be my friend for _two years_! And of course she wasn’t punished, because she’s the _Avatar_. If she wasn’t the Avatar, she’d have been exiled _long_ ago!”

Kya looked even more uncomfortable, and Iroh was forcibly reminded of a conversation he had had with Azula that he’d just as soon forget. Luckily, Sokka decided to take up the rebuttal role. “Look Katara,” he said, “I’m no fan of Azula, especially after she attacked you, and even Zuko’s told me more than a few horror stories about her. But…we kind of need her. She _is_ the Avatar, you know?”

“Until she dies,” Katara countered.

A sharp sound echoed throughout the igloo and the girl recoiled in shock, a bruise starting to form on her cheek.

It took a second for Iroh to realize that he was the one who slapped her.

* * *

Azula did several deep breathing meditation exercises to try to calm herself down. Either they worked, or she convinced herself they worked, and she started to ascertain her situation.

She was somewhere in the South Pole. Not far from Hakoda’s current camp, but she had been running for a good long while, so it wasn’t a _short_ distance either. And she had no idea about her exact location.

Oh yeah, and she was inside a blizzard with no supplies.

She was finding it _very hard_ to hold onto her rationality. But she managed it, barely, picked up her feet, and starting moving in the direction where she guessed she had come from.

* * *

Zuko had no idea what he should think after Uncle slapped Katara. Glancing around, he noticed that Sokka was (unsurprisingly) pissed off; his mother was barely managing to withhold him from moving in on Uncle. On the other hand Sokka’s grandmother was silent, staring intently at the scene in front of her.

Katara, after a moment of shock, rounded on Uncle in force.

“What was that!?”

Uncle himself seemed in shock, staring at his hand.

“I used to be terrified of you,” she said, her voice quiet. “The Dragon of the West. The man who led the most successful raids since Hatsuna.” Zuko thought of the stone, and the children he saw his former comrades slaughter that terrible afternoon. “I didn’t understand why we let you into the tribe. My parents told me you changed. Eventually I believed them.” She raised a hand to her cheek. “But maybe you’re the same as Azula after all.”

Katara’s mother gasped; Sokka stopped struggling and looked at Katara with his eyes wide. The grandmother and Uncle stayed silent. Nobody was saying anything, actually.

Zuko gulped and summoned his courage. “Katara,” he said, and her head whipped around. “You said Azula wouldn’t be the Avatar anymore if she died. What did you mean?”

She gazed at him for a second, looked at her family, then turned back to him. She removed her hand from her cheek. There was a dark red spot where Uncle slapped her. “You’re a good guy, Zuko, unlike the rest of your family. I appreciate that. But if you had grown up _here_ , knowing that you have to fight to survive, you’d know you have to balance that with pragmatism. Azula can’t save the world, and she doesn’t _want_ to save the world. She walked into a blizzard without telling anyone—it’s pretty obvious what she _wants_ to do. Why should we risk our lives to stop her?”

The contrast between the current Katara and the bubbly, cheerful girl that reminded him of Ty Lee was so extreme Zuko almost felt dazed. He couldn’t think of anything to say. Luckily, Katara and Sokka’s mom did. “Katara!” she said sternly. “What Azula did to you was horrible, but you’re going way too far.”

“I spent years being nice,” Katara said, voice low. Streams of water started to rise up and float around her. “I hid my frustration, anger, fear, all to make her feel better. And _this_ is how she repaid me.” She grabbed her coat and pulled it up, revealing a large bruise on her stomach covered with burn scars. Zuko glanced away, and couldn’t help but think of Azula’s empty eye sockets. “I’m done being _nice_ ,” Katara went on. “Not to her.”

Zuko looked at everyone else in the igloo again. Uncle still seemed to be in shock; Sokka was dumbfounded; his mother was crying; his grandmother was inscrutable like always.

He knew they couldn’t afford to have this argument now. They had to get out and save Azula soon. Katara didn’t have to come with. So why wasn’t anyone leaving?

Why wasn’t _he_ leaving?

For some reason his eyes lingered on the grandmother, the only person here he hadn’t spoken to once. She returned his gaze and mouthed something. What was she trying to tell him?

Maybe it was _please understand_.

He looked back at Katara. Waves of water were rotating around her. Her eyes locked with his, almost like she was challenging him, and before he knew it, before he could think about it, he said, “If we just let her die, we’ll be as bad as her.”

All of a sudden, he heard a noise so loud it almost hurt his ears. Startled, he turned to his uncle, who was almost doubled over laughing so hard he was almost roaring. _Like a dragon,_ Zuko thought. When he stopped laughing Uncle stood up, wiped tears from his eyes, and walked over to him, putting his arm around Zuko’s shoulders.

“I apologize for hitting you,” he said to Katara. “Much of what you say is justified.” Uncle smiled. “But Azula is still my niece. She is my blood. And I would want to save her even if she weren’t the Avatar.”

He looked at Zuko with an expectant expression. Zuko nodded.

Sokka pointed his finger at Uncle. “For the record, I’m still pissed off at you for hitting my sister,” he said. Then he sighed and shrugged his shoulders. “But for now, let’s go save the savior of the world.”

All eyes turned to Katara. She hung her head and closed her eyes, and the roiling mass of water around her crashed to the ground. “I went overboard,” she said. “Sorry.”

Her mother and grandmother approached and hugged her from behind. A second later, everyone—Katara included—ran out of the igloo.

They didn’t alert the tribe at large. Most of them were young, old, or infirm, and so entering the blizzard would be too dangerous for them. Besides, it was probably a bad idea to let Azula’s wild trek be widely known. So they only picked up Kalu, and the seven of them alone headed out to look for Zuko’s sister.

* * *

It was cold. Really cold. So cold that Azula’s firebending wasn’t close to being enough to fight it off. So cold that she even got tired of shivering.

As she placed one foot in front of the other, for whatever twisted reason, her brain started spitting up memories.

“ _Airbending is a defensive art," Aang said as they practiced a kata that would, supposedly, blow an enemy away. "The Air Nomads practiced nonviolence—they refused to harm anything, even insects. That was how they achieved happiness."_

Happiness? If you refuse to harm anything, you’ll just be trampled by everything. No wonder the Air Nomads were wiped out; they probably gave the Fire Nation soldiers lotuses when they were mowed down.

_Then Father's fist met her face, and her world_

No!

_"How are you, Azula?" she heard Iroh ask._

_She let some time pass. Then she said, "Leave me alone."_

_After a second, she heard Iroh stand up and walk out of the room._

Who did Iroh think he was fooling? Did he really think I would fall for the replacement father act? Did he think I wouldn’t notice he hated me? He spent years treating me like a leper, then I’m the Avatar, and suddenly I’m the most important thing in the world. Gee, I wonder what caused that change? Because people go from hate to love _all_ the time, I’m sure.

“ _You’re one to talk!” Zuko shouted. “I used to be these peoples’ enemy, but you know what? It’s only been a few months, but I’m already friends with their chief’s son, and they let me wander their grounds with barely a second glance! Do you know what they say about_ you _?”_

Well, I suppose there are _some_ people stupid enough to fall for Iroh’s fairy tales. “Friends”? Does he honestly think any of the Water Tribesmen want him there? He’s only there because _Iroh_ wants him there, and none of the others have the guts to oppose him. Zuko was always utterly dependent on others though, this is just a disgustingly extreme example.

_"A master airbender matches his movements to his opponent's. Ultimately, you have to realize that everything is one and give yourself up to the world. By doing that, you gain enlightenment."_

Speaking of dependence, Aang elevates it to some kind of philosophical ideal. Giving yourself up is “enlightenment”? What are you enlightened to, your own stupidity and powerlessness? It’s a shock the Air Nomads weren’t all killed sooner, honestly; you have to be a real coward to sacrifice your own self-respect and self-worth like that.

“ _Are you saying I should just give up?” Azula pouted._

_Father laughed. “If I thought that, would I be giving you this special training?”_

_Azula scuffed the ground with her foot. Her frustration started to fade, replaced by a warm feeling that_

I said no!

_"And stop defending him, you fire asshole!" Hatsuna roared. "No matter what he said, he was a_ coward _, and you know it! The fact that he didn't stay here is proof enough!"_

Now that Hatsuna woman, she at least knows the way the world works. A battle of all against all, the stakes the ability to do what you want. Hatsuna knew what she wanted and was willing to fight and die for it. Unfortunately for her, it ended up being the latter, and even now she’s reaping the consequences of her failure. I will not repeat her mistake.

“ _That was amazing, Azula! You’re making great progress.”_

On the other hand, there’s Katara. I only kept the water floating for a second; who in their right mind would call that “amazing”? The answer is someone who’s face to face with the Avatar and wants to keep on their good side. She really is a born follower, just like Ty Lee. But at least Ty Lee knew she was a follower, or let me teach her she was. Near as I can tell, Katara spent hours a day for months changing my clothes, carrying me around, and cleaning my ass because she _liked_ doing it. It’s baffling. She’s the most irritating person I’ve ever met.

_The half-breed laughed and_ ruffled her hair _. Azula grabbed his wrist, and he said amicably, “Just that you have trouble looking at the world through other people’s eyes.”_

Kalu is a close second on the irritation scale, but I thought he was somewhat rational at least. Not anymore. I don’t know how other people’s minds work? I know that perfectly well: they always do whatever they can to accrue benefit for themselves, unless they’re stupid naïve chattel. Which, admittedly, much of the world is. Why should I look at the world through other people’s eyes when other people are so idiotic?

“ _I’ve arranged things so you’ll be sitting near Zuko. Could you keep an eye on him? I want to know exactly what his face looks like when I win.”_

_The two of them stared at each other for a few seconds. “Of course, Princess,” Mai said, as deadpan and emotionless as ever._

Poor Mai. I feel bad for her, really. She’s not idiotic, I’ll give her that; indeed, in many ways she’s quite similar to me. She just can’t play the game as well. Not to mention she’s just a noble, while I am—was—the princess. That’s just the way the world works, though. Some people are born as the cat and some as the mouse. Nobody can change that.

_"So who's the brave prince, here to rescue the beautiful princess? Although I suppose I'm not so beautiful anymore."_

_"It's Iroh.”_

I guess some cats aren’t willing to fight for their rights, though. I assumed, reasonably, that Iroh was helping me and trying to overthrow Ozai as revenge and to become Firelord himself. He was born the cat but was overthrown by the mouse, to use my earlier metaphor; normally the cat would be trying to get back on top. But it doesn’t seem that way. It’s like Iroh risked his life and abandoned his status out of some ethical belief that Ozai should be defeated, giving allegiance to a _principle_ of all things. And then there’s taking Zuko—his rival for the throne!—under his wing, which I try to avoid thinking about for fear it would rot my brain. He may actually have gone senile, seriously.

_Azula smiled. "Tell me, Zuzu. How does it feel to be such a coward?" she asked his retreating figure._

_Normally Zuko became completely sulky and introverted after she beat him, so after the question she sat up, thinking about what she wanted to do for the rest of the night._

_"Better than being you," she heard behind her._

Who the hell was he to say something like that? At the time, I was better than him in every way. How could he _possibly_ want to be himself and not me? How could _anyone_ want that? I was on track to become the most powerful

“ _At this rate, you’ll even surpass me one day,” Father said. “You may very well become the savior of the Fire_

Stop it! _No_!

_Father hugged her tight and whispered in her ear. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you’re the one who succeeds me. You’re the best daughter anyone could_

What part of ‘no’ don’t you understand?! Stop! I _command_ you to

_It was long after midnight. All lights were off. Azula crept along the hallway, lighting her way with a small flame she kept flickering in her hand. Normally there was a guard here, but_ _he_ _had left to relieve himself._ _This did mean she had_ _to move quickly, though,_ _before he came back_ _._

_When she reached the door she paused, took a deep breath, and used the lockpicking technique she had spent the last few months practicing. The door opened._

_Slowly, carefully, making sure not to make a noise, she opened it and entered the room._ _Her flame only lit a small area_ _, and she_ _didn’t know the layout since she rarely entered this room_ _, so she had to be careful_ _not to bang into something_ _. Each step was slow and agonizing._

_She stopped when she saw a bedpost. Moving next to it, she_ _tiptoed_ _carefully, making as little noise as she could. She stopped when the light revealed her mother’s face._

_Mother was sleeping. Azula almost exhaled in relief, but caught herself just in time. Mother was a heavy sleeper—the only reason Azula decided to go through with this plan—but still,_ _she_ _needed to be totally silent. Next was the hard part._

_She walked forward until she reached the nightstand. She bent down and opened the bottom drawer, always with one eye on Mother, ready to stop if her face so much as twitched. It never did._

_When the drawer was open enough she reached into it and felt around. Azula saw Mother put it in here_ _half a year ago_ _, so she didn’t quite remember how this worked. Her heart was beating so loud and fast she was terrified it would wake up Mother by itself, so half her attention was locked on Mother’s face. She had spent hours practicing an excuse to use if she got caught, but…_

_Mother stayed asleep, though, and eventually Azula found it: a small indent at the front of the drawer. Hooking a finger under it, she lifted it up. Then she realized that she would need to use her other hand to bring it out. Which meant she would have to put the flame out first._

_With one last look at Mother, she closed her hand. The flame went out and darkness consumed the world. She put her hand in the secret compartment and felt around. For one terrible second she thought it wasn’t there and this had all been for nothing—but then she felt it. And slowly, slowly, she drew it out. She was so slow it must have taken minutes. Her heart was beating so fast she felt faint. But she managed it in the end._

_She held the object in one hand and firebent another flame with the other. She was already looking at Mother when light returned, ready again to make her excuse, but thankfully she was still asleep. Azula looked back to the object._

_It was a small black book with no label. But Azula knew what it was. She had seen Mother write in it before hiding it in this compartment, so there was only one thing it could be._

_A diary._

_Azula’s hands were trembling so hard she was afraid she’d drop the diary. She willed them to stop, but they didn’t obey. Her heart was hammering against her ribs and sweat was dripping off her body. She_ _wanted_ _to confirm Mother was still asleep, but her eyes were locked on the book_ _and refused to move_ _._

_She opened it with one hand, h_ _eld_ _the flame close with_ _the_ _other, and felt such an overwhelming desire to_ know _that it stilled her hand, allowing her to read the characters. She used her thumb to flip through the pages, scanning each entry for her name. Nothing, nothing, Zuko’s birth, nothing, her birth, nothing useful, nothing—_

_And there it was._

_Her reaction was interesting. A chill spread through her body until it froze all the blood in her veins. Which was actually a good thing, because it meant she didn’t make a noise or drop the book. She just looked at the entry in silence._

_It said: “I feel horrible writing this, much less thinking it, but honestly, I’m afraid of Azula. I think she might be becoming a monster.”_

No! _No_! Fuck you! How dare you do this to me! _Why_ would you do this to me? Stop showing me these memories already! Have you forgotten I’m in a blizzard right now? I need to get out of here. I can’t let my life end here. There’s still so much I want to do.

_"Freedom isn't about following your desires. It's the opposite. It's resisting your desires, separating yourself from the natural world to escape the cycle of reincarnation."_

Is this your idea of a joke? Shutting yourself up in a monastery and following an insanely strict set of rules in order to please abstract principles that don’t actually exist is _freedom_? What impinges on my freedom isn’t my desires, that’s absurd; _other people_ infringe on your freedom by trying to control you. To stop that from happening, you have to control _them_. To be truly and completely free, you have to control _everything_.

_That’s right_ , Azula thought. _I have to control everything. I_ need _to..._

Her legs stopped moving. Her mind ground to a halt.

_I need to control everything?_

_Need?_

It was like her brain was bashed to pieces and reassembled. It was like heaven and earth swapped places. It was like the entire world, the whole of existence, had burned to ash and birthed itself anew.

_So all this time, I’ve just been controlled by my desires? My desire for control…controlled me? The more I fed it, the_ _deeper I fell into its prison_ _?_

All her memories flowed into each other and blazed her mind clean. The ground under her feet and the sky over her head melted together. She would’ve cried, except her tears were gone, and she would’ve laughed, except her voice was a faint whisper.

_I can’t even control my own needs_ , she thought, spasms of mirth rocking her exhausted body. _All this time, I’ve…I’ve…_

She turned her head skyward and let out a scream filled with more emotions than she could name.

* * *

They had split up, with instructions to return to camp if they felt they wouldn’t be able to go on much longer. So technically, Iroh had no idea whether or not someone had found Azula by now. But they probably hadn’t. The South Pole was large, huge swaths were uninhabited, and the blizzards were raging.

Ice slowly sank into Iroh’s joints and hopes. He fought it off as much as he could. Azula had to be here _somewhere_ , and there was no way he could live with himself if—

The earth moved under him and he almost fell over. He stood up, and his mind went blank at what he saw.

A huge pillar of brilliant light, shooting straight up into the heavens.

Before he knew it Iroh ran toward that light, all exhaustion forgotten. When he got close he slowed down, then stopped, gazing up in awe.

Azula was floating in the middle of that pillar, arms outstretched, the same brilliant light shining out of her eye sockets.

Then she looked down, and Iroh could swear she _saw_ him.

The pillar disappeared with a flash and Azula _flew_ down, throwing up enough wind and snow to knock Iroh off his feet, landing down hard. When he sat up he was staring right up at her, at those brilliant beams of light that used to be her eyes.

And he finally believed, _truly_ believed, that she was the Avatar.

Then she pointed at him, and for a blink Iroh thought she was about to kill him.

The light faded abruptly and Azula started falling. Iroh moved just fast enough to catch her.

* * *

Iroh was at her bedside when she awoke several days later, as was Kalu.

“How are you doing?” Kalu asked, all trace of amusement gone from his voice.

“I feel all right,” Azula responded after a few seconds.

Kalu nodded. “That’s good. You had almost frozen to death. Normally you’d be almost immobile for a couple of weeks, but since you’re a firebender you’ll probably be up and about again soon enough. Still, just to be safe, I’d suggest staying in bed for at least three days.”

Azula made no response.

Kalu looked at Iroh with a pleading expression. Iroh gave him a tight nod. Apparently satisfied, Kalu stood up.

“Well, I think I’ll leave you alone with your uncle. See you soon, little Avatar.”

After he left, Iroh spent a few minutes just looking at Azula. Then he said, “Can I trust you not to do anything strenuous if I’m not here?”

“How much of an idiot do you think I am?” she said in a flat voice.

Iroh shook his head, uncaring that she couldn’t see it. “In that case, would you prefer I left you alone?”

She was silent for a few seconds, but as expected, she said, “Yeah.”

Iroh nodded, again uncaring that she couldn’t see it. “Very well. I’ll see you later.” He stood up and started walking out of the igloo. Then he felt it.

A gust of wind brushed the hair on the back of his head.

He turned around in shock, which only deepened when he saw what his niece was doing.

She was laughing. Not a displeased snort, an ironic snicker, or even a pleased chuckle. She _guffawed_ , leaning over so much she almost fell out of the bed, hands clutched to her sides. He had never seen her so happy in his life.

He stood there in shock for several minutes, staring at her, unable to understand what had just happened.

Eventually Azula’s laughter subsided, and she said, “We need to make new plans soon.”

* * *

It wasn’t easy. Worldviews don’t change overnight, even after you realize they’re fundamentally flawed.

She didn’t immediately reconcile with Katara or Zuko. She didn’t start making overtures of friendship to Sokka. She _definitely_ didn’t start thinking of Iroh as some kind of substitute father figure, or even really treat him with any more respect.

She still really wanted to kill Ozai, even after realizing that it was probably just to confirm she wasn’t dependent on him.

But she was, at least, starting to rebel against her own wishes and desires.

Besides, the other important things would come in time.

After all, she was the Avatar.

* * *

**END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end! Starting tomorrow I will start posting the sequel to this fic, titled The Right to Rule.
> 
> Incidentally, I would like to state that I highly appreciate all the reviews I get. But I appreciate even more the ones that contain constructive criticism. So if you didn’t like some portions of this fic, please do tell me—we learn more from our failures than our successes, as they say.
> 
> Thanks a lot to everyone who read this far, and I hope you also check out the sequel!

**Author's Note:**

> A long time ago, I wrote a fanfic called “Trapped” (and part of a sequel, “The Adventures of Avatar Azula”) and posted them on fanfiction.net; you can still see them by going to my profile there (https://www.fanfiction.net/~tealterror ). Unfortunately, due to various reasons, I ended up abandoning the latter in 2012; however, for various other reasons, I have become inspired to finally go back to the story, which I still really like (and have some good ideas for).
> 
> That said, I myself have changed with the passage of years, and the quality of my old fics is below my current standards. So instead of merely starting from where I left off, I’ve decided to re-write them both. I’ve already finished Prisoner, and you can read the rest of it by going to my ff.net profile linked above. I will post the remaining three chapters on Archive of Our Own once every three days (i.e. next Saturday, the following Tuesday, and the following Friday). I will then post the first chapter of the sequel to this fic on both sites concurrently next Saturday.
> 
> Here’s some information I can’t really include in the story itself. First, the point of divergence is that, in this timeline, Aang gets caught up in his thoughts and inadvertently flies directly into the thunderstorm. In canon he noticed the thunderstorm and so was able to avoid the most dangerous part of it.
> 
> Second, regarding the master test: for the purposes of this fic, in canon Azula did it later and passed easily. Her Avatar-boosted skills and the declining war effort made Ozai have it earlier in this universe, when Azula was still inexperienced and (even more) emotionally immature.
> 
> Third, while I’m taking both the original series and Legend of Korra to be canon, I’m ignoring every other piece of Avatar-related media. I may use elements from them as it suits me, but in general I’ll be ignoring everything except the TV shows.
> 
> Finally, this is the first time I've posted something to Archive of Our Own so there are some aspects of the site's culture I'm not sure of yet. In particular, are there any obvious tags I missed, and would this fic qualify for the "Graphic Depictions of Violence" warning? (This chapter is as graphic as the fic will get, no promises about the sequel though.) If you could let me know in a review or PM, I'd be really grateful.
> 
> Thanks a lot for reading, and I'd like to give special thanks to my beta Devon!


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